It's "Not" My Life

Prologue

So it happened like this that I was living my life and minding my business as usual and out of the blue my manager sends me a mail saying that he has sent my on-site visit for approval and while i was reading that mail and trying to get to terms with what I was reading because I was totally unaware of this situation and I was planning to send somebody from my team if any such thing happens and there comes another mail saying that my trip was approved and asking me how fast I could get on a plane. Wow, did you see that, one single sentence, all that in once single sentence. Anyway I was always willing to travel on-site so I told my manager that I would start after my son's birthday and this gave me a week's window.

If you knew the relationship I share with God you would have already guessed the airlines I was going to travel, yes it is the same airlines i was sarcastic about and had to travel in, last year. Qatar, Thank You God, you remembered!!! I knew there was no point frowning over it and being a guy who would rather try and improve things than sit and worry about them started to think on how the situation can be improved. A little introduction of my wife and her career. She has been handling corporate travels for an MNC for more than 4 years now and is in good terms with most of the airlines. Suddenly I was full of Ideas, well just one Idea. I challenged my wife, I knew requesting would not work, to upgrade me to business class and that I would gift her something that she would never imagine. She actually took the bait and started working on it. 

The day before my flight she tells me that she could upgrade my seat to business class from Hyderabad to Doha and I was like that's just 4 hours, couldn't you get the upgrade for second leg of the journey, Doha to Washington D.C.!! She was like be happy with what you got!! Then she explains to tell how she got me a VIP check-in because I was "supposedly" a Big Shot "Program Director" who frequently travels Lufthansa but decided to try Qatar for a change. I was like I can be a Program Director.  I check my status online and it still showed me in Economy class and inquired my wife concernedly to which she annoyingly explains how the process goes  and how the counters are updated with my "New " information and the online info doesn't matter anymore.I have to tell you that I have been traveling for the past 7 years and have been married for 6 years but not once did my wife come to the airport to see me off or pick me up and this time she decides to come, that is when I thought something in my life is going to change drastically.

It's Not My Life Part -1

Once in the Airport I got to skip all the lengthy queues of economy class and walk the red Carpet of Business Class. From the minute I handed over my itinerary everything changed, the desk clerk was very courteous and an attendant is sent to handle my luggage and another guy to fill up my information. Then the supervisor comes and wishes me shares his knowledge of my traveling Lufthansa frequently and expresses his gratitude that I have chosen their Airlines. The the guy who filled my forms escorts me to the immigration and then to the VIP lounge, wishes me Bon Voyage and leaves me. So I sit there and reflect on the things that have happened in the last 15 minutes wondering, well just wondering. Then I get into the flight where I was escorted to my extra large recliner seat and was offered a welcome drink. I have started to realize why business class passengers are boarded separately and the use of curtains that separate business and economy class. After the airplane took off, I was offered a choice of breakfast and it was not dumped on your tray like it is done in economy class. First they bring you the drink then the main course and then a dessert. Not to mention the seats were much wider and reclined completely and it was amazingly comfortable. I was enjoying it to the core when it struck me that I have to get back to the economy seats for the second leg of journey which was 14 hours long and that got me into thinking. With these thoughts I landed in Doha airport and the business class passengers were taken in a separate bus to the terminal. I cleared my security clearance twice and arrived at the gate.

It's Not My Life Part - 2

Other than blogging I read blogs that are entertaining, “Doing Jalsa and Showing Jilpa” happens to be one of those and KrishAshok happens to be a frequent flyer and keeps posting about his travelling experiences and microwaved airline food.  In of those he mentions about how he is a frequent flyer and how he approached the ticket counter and asked for an upgrade and got it. That struck me and struck me at the right moment, which was very important. Also the words of my wife on how my information is updated in their database struck me at the same time. So with all the confidence when I approached the   counter I told them that I requested for an upgrade and it was confirmed up to Doha but not up to Washington D.C. They quickly enter my record locator in their systems and they get something saying I have been authorized for upgrade but upgrade was only done till Doha. So they talk between themselves, pull me out of the line and ask me to wait. The guy informs me courteously that there are two business class seats and if they don’t turn up within 15 minutes they are going to upgrade me.  With the kind of luck I have I did not set any hopes on it but decided to wait. I waited for 20 minutes and one guy turns up and I get the upgrade. I was pretty amused, overjoyed, pleased with myself and went to the pickup area for the flight.  There is a bus waiting and asking if there are any business class passengers left out and when I go forward, he takes me, an me alone in the bus to the airplane and I take the stairs to the business class which is in the front of the plane watching economy passengers cramming on to the stairs at the end of the flight. Now this flight was bigger and better than the earlier one and so was the service. The seats even had massagers in them with multiple functions. i had a choice of selecting some premium dishes for lunch. They gave me a track suit and when I changed into it, the flight attendant took my clothes, folded then and put them in a closet. I was like if I was travelling first class maybe they would even wash and iron my clothes. More than anything the toilets were wider and empty most of the time unlike the toilets in economy. I wanted to just sit in there for the sake of enjoying the luxury of a spacious toilet.  The fourteen hours passed before I even noticed and I landed in Washington D.C.  At immigration the officer talked to me in a language that my brain was not even tuned to listen and I had to ask him to which he asks me again in Telugu on how many days am I going to stay and the reason for visiting U.S. I was looking at him with utter disbelief and he was like oh well go ahead enjoy your stay. That was the silver lining to everything that happened until then. I was standing at the baggage carousel recollecting wondering whatever happened in the last twenty four hours and was telling myself, this is not my life, this is definitely not my life. I spent two days with family there and headed for Denver, my final destination.

Epilogue A.K.A Welcome to My life

Not to mention I had to take the economy class and I got the middle seat and I started thinking now this the life I am familiar with.  Then the pilot announces that the plane will be descending to land in Denver airport and during the descent turbulence and cross winds hit the plane and the plane plummets and shakes violently making me feel sick. I started to breathe heavily and people around me got concerned and it looked like the longest time taken for a flight to land. As soon as it landed, I got up and was feeling very weak, I gathered enough strength to take the cabin baggage and walk out of gate in a rush to get to the cab service. I heard my name being announced at the gate and realized that I picked up somebody else’s cabin baggage, so I had to drag myself back to the gate and apologized to the guy but he didn’t look like he cared. Then I observed that he broke the handle of my cabin luggage but was too weak to say anything. So I dragged myself to the terminal to the cab service desk and I had 25 minutes before the cab picked me up. So I went to the baggage carousel to pick my luggage, my baggage arrived soon enough and I had 15 minutes to the aisle where the cab picks up people. There were two problems. I was so weak that I crashed into the chair nearby, I needed a 5 dollar note for the trolley but all I had were 100$ notes.  I told myself that I needed 10 minutes to be OK and then I threw up. One of the janitors there called a paramedic but I did not need any medication. Needless to say I missed the cab so I go to the cab service desk again and they tell me that I have one hour before the next cab arrives. I ask them for change, take a trolley load my luggage, go to the restroom, get some water, rest for some time and went to the aisle 15 minutes before time. Then I had to wait for the cab for 30 minutes in -6 Degrees and finally get into the cab.  Just before dozing off in the cab I told myself, yes this sounds more like my life, Hi there, how are you?? I missed you, and we were back together again.

Blasphemy!!!!

Just when you think  it couldn't get any worse, there are always people who will go out of the way and outdo the worst that has ever happened.  How could somebody get themselves to commit such hideous acts. Don't they have any shame, Don't they realize that there will be consequences for their deeds and yet they continue to do what they do. I am angry, I am sad, I am mad.

These people have committed a mistake a very big mistake. Do they even realize what they have done!!! Its an atrocious blasphemy on an exponentially magnanimous scale , I say. Such nerve they have to do this.  Do they have a death wish to award Rajnikanth as the entertainer of the decade???Such an insult, You don't give an award to Rajnikanth, awards fall humbly at the feet of Rajnikanth waiting for his merciful glances. You don't honour Rajnikanth with awards, you honour the awards with Rajnikanth.

Entertainer of the decade, they say.What are they going to do next? Make him the Entertainer of the Millennium!!! Ignorant fools!!!Even after this outrageous act, Rajnikanth accepts the award with a smile, such humbleness, such brilliance. Thalaivaa, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Mothers Don't Care

Now don't get me wrong and get all bent over that title, because I have not assigned a context to it and according to Einstein's Theory of Relativity a title does not have any significance unless  it is spoken under a context. No!!! That is not what Theory of Relativity is about!!!

Anywayzzz let me put the title in context. How many superheroes do we have? How many of them have mothers? Of course all of them have mothers but in all those movies you have watched, how many showed their mothers?I will give you a list of superheroes and think how many have a mother by the time they have become superheroes.

Superman - Parents killed while he was an infant and is brought up by surrogate alien parents

Batman - Parents killed by a thief when he was a kid, raised by the butler

Spiderman - Parents dead, raised by aunt and uncle

I can go on Robin, Hulk, Flash, Fantastic Four, Phantom, a whole series of mutant superheroes in X-Men like Wolverine. There is no account of their mothers

Even if you consider the SCi-Fi / Socio Fantasy Adventure heroes 

Anakin Skywalker(a.k.a DarthVader, oh yes he is a hero, just turned to the dark side) - Mother killed by bandits

Luke Skywaker (son of Anakin Skywalker) - Mother died after conceiving him.

Han Solo , Yoda, Obi Wan Kenobi, Captain Kirk, Spock, Indiana Jones.

There is a strong reason on why there is no account of their mothers or they cease to exist by the time they have achieved their prime. If they existed the situations would have been like this

Yoda : Mom do we have anything to eat, very hungry, I am.

Mom : Look at you, you are the supreme Jedi master and you can't even get your grammar correct. I wonder who made you a master!!!

Darth Vader : Mom I have turned to the dark side, how do I look now?

Mom : Good for you honey, Now what is with that stupid helmet and heavy breathing? are you having an asthma attack???

Superman: Mom, I am flying off to fight bad guys

Mom : Why can't you take a car like everybody else and remember, no bullets in the eyes, I am not going to attend to your booboos.

Batman's Mom : What's wrong with you? Why can't you sleep in the nights and fight crime during day time like all other superheroes. Why can't you have a single girlfriend like Superman and Spidey ?

Spider Man's Mom : Spidey!!! I don't care if it is your gift or your curse just clean your room before you go out , I am not touching those cobwebs

See what I mean, Moms don't care if you are a warlord or a superhero, you are just a baby to them and all they want is to turn you into a respectable man and see you settle down in life. 

I am sure even Einstein's mother would have interrupted him during one of his greatest inventions  to yell, Albert, you need a haircut!!!

A B C D E F G to Road Crossing

The other day I was crossing one of the busiest roads and my loathing for Indian Educational System engulfed me and I did what any sane person in India would do. Stop in the middle of the road and start thinking. What about all the traffic!!! one might wonder, Who gives a damn!!! says I, as long as I am standing safely on the divider. 

So I was standing there thinking about the lesson that was taught long back in school on how to cross roads. If  one strictly goes by the book and whatever it has to say then me thinks one has to pack one's breakfast,lunch and dinner along with some snacks and lots of water to cross a single road because this is what the book has to say. How to cross roads?. Even the traffic police of Chandigarh have the same 5 point scheme. Lets discuss in detail.

The first step always begins with "Look for a safe place/ zebra crossing to cross", What are you smokin Bro..

Next one is more absurd than the first one "Stand on the pavement away from the edge", Pave.. what!!! haven't heard of those

Then comes the part which, if taken literally, one will spend and entire day exercising their neck.  "Look left, look right for traffic"yeah keep looking and that's what you will be doing.

Then "Wait until it is safe to cross the road" and the waiting continues.

The final step "walk briskly to the other side of the road while watching out for traffic.

Although those steps are not incorrect, they are not practical for the contemporary world that we are living in and should be updated with the pointers from people who have successfully crossed roads everyday and lived to tell their stories.

So here is  A  Beginner's Comprehensively Definitive and Effectively  Functional Guide to Road Crossing, and you thought I have put those alphabets in the title just like that, didn't you???

1. Always stick to the herd, because it is a jungle out there and the predators can be put in check only by the strength of the number.

2. Never ever be on the right/left hand side of the group, because whenever a crazy driver decides not to slowdown it is the right/left most person who will be hit first. if you think that I am being insensitive, remember it is a jungle out there.

3. Look for an alpha male or a beta female and stay closer.The safest place is in the middle or beside  a horizontally unchallenged person which will result in cushioning the blow if there is any.

4. It also a good idea to walk beside tall people who are visible from longer distances for the vehicles approaching. They also tend to discourage the vehicles from getting closer, for the same reasons the hyena did not get closer to the kid with tree bark on his head in Gods must be crazy.

5.When starting to cross focus on the people next to you and  sync your steps with them, not one step ahead not one step behind. Never ever take your eyes off them to look at the traffic, never.

6. Maintain strong cohesiveness with the crowd while crossing the road, don't slow down or run ahead because, read pointer number 1.

Follow these rules and you will reach the other side of the road successfully. In the case that you are the only person crossing the road or the unfortunate horizontally unchallenged person like me who will eventually end up on the right side of the gathering there are different rules.

1. Try to see the bigger picture of the oncoming traffic, study the patterns and identify the gaps. There are several pointers on how to do that.

    a. Look out for anyone down the path crossing the road, which will create a considerable gap for you to get through. 

    b. Don't look out too far, because even if a gap is created, the vehicles will be accelerating to close the gap by the time you are anywhere near the gap and believe me they will not want to brake the speed to let you through.

2. Never ever start crossing in the close proximity of a large vehicle like a bus. If you try crossing before it reaches you, it will block your view and you might never know which crazy lunatic is trying to overtake it from the other side. In other words your view should be clear before crossing for the reason mentioned in pointer a

3. Don't cross the road immediately after the large vehicle has passed as you would not have had enough time to identify the gaps and the lunatics driving behind are always eager to get past the large vehicle and will never slow down.

4. Never try to cross when you are being approached by a homogeneous group of vehicles (same category of vehicles, two wheelers, three wheelers, four wheelers), rather it is a good idea to cross when being approached by a heterogeneous group of vehicles, reason being the relative speeds are different and often the slower moving vehicle cuts down the average speed of the group and is usually prone to  create a gap for you to safely cut through.

5. It is not enough to just find a gap, that is the first step, the next step is to give them a signal to slow down and that you are ready to cross by lifting your hand anywhere between 45 to 90 degrees from your body's axis towards the direction of the oncoming traffic. Although this will not cushion the impact if any, we will be on safer side because we have made our motive to cross the road very clear.

6. Cross the road in a slow, steady manner, no sudden movements and no going back and forth and always focus and sync with the vehicles approaching because, the lunatics inside the vehicles are trying to speed up or slow down based on your movements.  

7. If you believe in Star Wars try to stare deeply into the eyes of the drivers, trust me the weaker ones will comply and brake.If they don't, then you know that they are not weak, you are.

8. Take a break and relax once you have reached the divider and rejoice because whoever was taking cover beside you will face the brunt of identifying patterns and finding gaps and leading the herd to other side of the road safely from all the predators.

9. Additionally you can carry a long object that will create a safety perimeter around you with the diameter equivalent to the length of the object. This will work for all the vehicles except the larger ones.

Well there you are, a practical guide to safe road crossing and unlike the text books and traffic websites, i will update it with latest information. So don't get cross with crossing the road, just learn how to cross. 

I.F

I know, I know no posts for the past 40 days... Even this isn't going to be a regular post. The other day at office we were going to test a feature between our US office and Hyderabad office, that would replicate data between SANs using the internet. Although I made it sound a bit easy trust me it isn't and involves lot of complexity, I just simplified it for everybody to understand. For the perseverant types, it is, to put it in the words of the good immigration officer at the Washington D.C. airport to whom I have explained it as the purpose of my visit to US, "An advanced copy and paste".  I so much wanted to tell him that it isn't that simple, but I restrained myself so as to not piss him off and said... "You Got it !!!"

So we were going to test it and everybody was nervous on how it would turn out.  So I came up with a song that would cheer up everyone and will give us something to sing along while the replication is in progress. It is along the lines of "Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow".

Oh the thought itself is frightful

but the feature is so delightful

and since we have to test its fate

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

It doesn't show signs of stopping,

And I've brought some corn for popping,

it will finish soon at this rate

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

The speed is slowly dying

lets hope it will keep trying

please don’t go into suspended state

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

when the replication is finally done

the celebrations will begin

but till then we will wait

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

That was fun even though the test turned out to be a real disaster. In case you are wondering what the title means..it means... Inactivity Filler

Last Day!!!

It is the last day of the week and the last day of the last month and as if that is not enough it is the last day of the year and as if even that is not good enough it is the last day of the decade. This is one such day when most people who don't have to worry about going to work next day so that they can feed themselves, stop worrying  and start celebrating the arrival of a new year.

Although it does not make any difference and it is going to be just another day tomorrow, it is often good to take a break from the mechanical routine that we go through the entire year , meet with friends and families to celebrate and reflect on the year that has been.

So here I am wishing anybody who is reading this post a very Happy New Year and would like to remind that  it is our life and it is up to us to make it the way we want it to be. I hope you will work your way through your life to make it better and happier. 

Let this day be the last day you will be subject to negative emotions and destroy your life based on them. Let this be the last day for all the hatred in your heart and start filling it with love and compassion. Let this be the last day for all the thoughtless actions that you have done and in the process hurt people. Let this be the last day you will frown and complain and start accepting life as it comes with a broad smile and open arms. Let this be the last day for all the worries and understand that life is too good to be wasting time on them.

Wait what am i doing.... I didn't plan to write all that... I don't even remember what I intended to write.. hmmm..  Well since i can't remember you are stuck with what I already wrote...yes I am talking to you , Have a Good Time

Everything is Illuminated

While we are talking about movies and entertaining ourselves I would like to mention the movie that entertained me to the core. I wrote that last sentence 20 days back and didn't get a chance to continue until today.
It was one of those movies where you know from the very beginning that you are in for some quality entertainment. The movie is based on a novel of the same title written by Jonathan Safron Foer
The movie had no major cast except for Elijah Wood playing the lead role of a young Jewish American and his endeavor to find the woman who saved his grand father from Nazis during World War II. He travels to Ukraine where he is accompanied by an eccentric native translator "Alex" who studied English at university and is "premium" in his knowledge of the language, along with his grumpy grand father who claims he is blind and his deranged seeing eye bitch named "Sammy Davis Jr Jr" after "Sammy Davis Jr".
Although one would consider it to be a very serious movie based on the plot there are ample doses of humour all the way as the movie progresses with Alex's narrative notable for its broken English and improper usage of synonyms and  that makes the movie thoroughly enjoyable.
The whole movie runs around these three people along with the dog and the strongest element of the movie is the dialogue that is carried out between them. Which means most of the movie contains close shots and as the camera is in your face all the time you can't get away with sloppy acting. The three play their roles with such finesse, one would not be able to make a difference between the role and the actor. There are no exaggerated emotions or senseless violence or forced humour, to sum it all no elements of a commercial entertainer and yet a great entertainer. A simple movie that is naturally beautiful and rich in dialogue with its subtle humour, that would leave you with a sense of elated happiness long after you have watched it. This one is definitely a master piece and I would watch it any time any day just to lift up my mood.
There is so much one could talk about the movie but it is best enjoyed when you watch it and by the time end credits roll, you will see that "Everything Is Illuminated".  

Of Movies and Entertainment

For those of you who did not notice, on the left hand side, now there is a copy right notice which says you are allowed to copy the content as long as you are willing to give credit to me. One might ask why? Well one of the readers felt that the content is good and people copying it should give me credit for my work. I, being a man who is always fair in considering the considerations of my readers, considered the consideration and put up that Copy Right thingy.
 Even after I mentioned I don't have anything against SRK there are people who got offended by my last post. So this one is a more detailed explanation on the last one. Did I ever mention that I am a movie fanatic. I watched a movie 4 times all alone bunking college on 4 consecutive days. That is how much I love the movies.  It is the best form of legal entertainment that a guy could get in 80s and 90s. There are a variety of movies of various genres that I watched ranging from comedy, war, historic, western, action, crime, thriller, noir, horror, independent you name it I watched it. I have my best movies in each of those genres. Movies gave my crippled imagination, wings to soar and fly.
Those were the days when movies were made for the sole purpose of entertaining the masses . Then came the movies that carried social messages that inspired the intellects, most of them flopped commercially because they failed to attract the masses. Then there were commercial movies  with a very subtle social message (usually the message shies away from showing itself, overshadowed by the commercial element). All these movies attracted me and I loved them all equally for what they were. 
I mean an action movie gave you lots of raw power and destruction, comedies were outright funny, horror movies showed horrors that would haunt you in the nights, thrillers thrilled you, serious movies made you think.
Then came the era of those movies that claim to be works of art or inspirational or message oriented, to put them in one word "master piece" but all they give is the routine run of the mill, mindless entertainment, now here, I have a problem. No my problem is not with mindless entertainment, i would prefer that any day and that is why I love "Om Shanti Om" for what it provides, mindless entertainment, with all the hindi movie cliches that can be pulled together into one movie. That is no easy job and I loved SRK in that movie. 
Now the problem is when people make these commercial entertainers and try to pass them as work of art or master piece grossly undermining the value of those terms. Movies like "Chak De India" although have a different theme, are still commercial entertainers for various reasons and can't be termed as a master piece. When someone tries to convince me otherwise, I get the same reaction one gets when undead people or zombies in a horror flick start doing an item dance for Madhuri Dixit's "Dhak Dhak karne laga". Again this is nothing against Madhuri I still think none of the bollywood babes dance as gracefully as she does.
All I am saying is that when you expect to eat biryani your mind  sets your senses  to eat biryani, the colour, the texture, the taste, the aroma and everything related to that. When you actually eat some crap that people try to pass as biryani (like that hotel in Coorg, where biryani tasted sweet and there was no meat) your mind would go ...What The Duck!! This is no biryani!!! 

Of Radios and Hockey Matches

Have you ever had a feeling that you are floating pleasantly..in the clouds, soaking the warm rays of sun.. in slow motion enjoying everything around and suddenly you are plummeted to the ground and slapped back to reality and your mind goes What the Duck!!!

I had the exact same feeling today morning while driving back home after my exercise routine. I was Chillaxing to the music of Guzarish, and the song being played was "Guzaarish Hai".  I was swinging and swaying and in general enjoying the slow tempo and well formed lyrics of the song, feeling all those wonderful feelings and that is when I hear a line totally out of sync with the mood and the flow of the song  and I wondered if it was written and composed by Anu Malik and it left me with that ugly feeling. It was as if the lyricist has run out of imagination by the time he reached that line and had to put some filler to finish it. I will not forgive him for that.

There was this other time when I was watching "Chak De India" (one of those movies where Sharukh doesn't bend backwards with his chest protruding,open arms, turning the head to a side, gives those dimple smiles, and the girl runs into him), during the world cup matches where the Jharkhand girl  "Soimoi Kerketa" doesn't know who to pass the ball and asks a senior player "Bindia Naik" to which the senior replies "Go and ask  your captain". I was like isn't she one of the best hockey player from her state and isn't that the reason she was chosen into the national team that would play for the world cup and has been trained to do so and she doesn't know who to pass the ball. I mean I see scenes in the movie where the coach,  Shahrukh Khan keeps juggling glasses, spoons, pens, sticks, virtually anything that he comes across obviously trying out different strategic moves, has he forgot to actually tell the team about those moves !!!.

Again in the same world cup matches the Punjab girl "Balbir Kaur" and the Jharkhand girl "Soimoi Kerketa" fail to understand the referee's warnings and these are the girls chosen for a national team to play for Hockey World Cup. Sign language and colour coded cards are used universally by the referees to overcome the language barrier and communicate effectively with all the players around the world. What was their coach Kabir Khan doing? Ohh right!! it is played by Sharukh Khan, and any role that he plays you see Sharukh Khan and the role itself shies away into the shades of his glorious personality. He was playing himself in coach Kabir Khan's role and was so busy being the "Gunda" of the team, shouting random dialogs, sending players out of the field and didn't realize that the games have referees and they follow some rules and guidelines and it is important for the team to learn them before going for the World Cup. Ohh my bad , it is the coach's responsibility and   Sharukh Khan was playing himself and not the coach's role so there you go, now wonder the players did not understand the referees.

It is matters like these that make these movies or songs fall short of what you would call a "Master Piece".

Now for those of you who would like to come back at me for criticizing Sharukh, trust me I was one of those people who sincerely wished that Sunny Deol should die and Juhi Chawla should fall in love with Sharukh in the movie Darr.

PS: On an unrelated note I hope Sanjay Leela Bhansali has enough sense not to send this film of his for Oscar nominations because the original film "The Sea Inside" has already won an academy award for "Best Foreign Language Film", and they would have second thoughts about giving the same award again to a copy of the film.

PSS: I just came to know that the director SLB is the music director too. No wonder, the genius of copy films ran out of imagination. I forgive you, we can't expect master pieces from you.

Blast from the Past

I sometimes feel that I use a lot of cliched expressions but again No Pain No Gain. I know that doesn't fit in this context I just had to use it. So the readers of my blog know that I initiated a diet and exercise program in the beginning of last year and I succeeded in losing a considerable amount of weight in six months. Then due to various reasons I could not continue it for a long time. I started the routine again this month which includes a strict diet and 8km walk in the park. There is a 4km track so i do two rounds of the track.

Last year I almost started jogging and was one of the fastest walkers by the time i stopped it. Now I started walking again and observed that almost everyone overtook me. Fifteen days into the routine and I have picked up enough speed to walk faster than most of the old men and women. Today I finished up my first round and started on the second round minding my business and not minding the people overtaking me.
At 1km mark a lady over took and I thought enough is enough and decided to over take her. So I increased my speed maintaining only a couple of feet distance. When I was comfortable with the speed i increased a bit and started reducing the distance at which point she noticed what i was trying to do and she increased her speed. Now that was a challenge I was willing to take and I increased my speed further and started maintaining a constant distance between me and her. I did not try to over take her since I was an experienced walker and knew that it is more of endurance rather than speeding up that will count by the time we finish the stretch. So I was pushing her all the way to increase her speed until she reached her threshold levels.
At 2.5km mark I observed that she was struggling to maintain her speed but refusing to give in. I decided to go for the kill and started gaining on her. At about 2.75km mark as I was overtaking her I felt someone slapped me right across my face and I could see my teacher from my school standing in front of me and saying "Aren't you ashamed... to compete with a girl!!!". I went into a momentary shock and the sudden turn of events slowed me down to my usual pace. I was blankly staring ahead and walking while those words kept on repeating in my mind.
The distance between me and her started to grow from a  few feet to few meters. By the time I reached 3.25km mark she gained about 50meters. Then my conscience slapped me hard back into reality and shouted  "No you are not ashamed... to compete with a girl, remember men and women are equal although women are more equal than men."I was still hesitant and my mind started reasoning with me, "Come on, you are dragging double her weight and even if you take off the 33% that is reserved for them you still are carrying more weight than her and she already has an advantage of about 60 meters. If you still think its not fair then well life isn't fair"
At that point I reached 3.5 km mark. With both my mind and conscience jolting me back to reality I started gaining speed  and by the time I reached 3.75km mark my walk turned into jogging and then into running with my eyes focused on the target. I overtook her and reached the 4km mark before she realized what was happening and with only couple of yards between us.
Now, I did not do a victory dance nor did I turn around to goad nor did I create a scene over it, I calmly walked away letting my victim silently succumb to her defeat. What can I say!!! When I am good, I am good but when I am bad, I am better!!!

Change

Change, one word that most people dread, especially the ones who are content with the comfort and warmth of their own shells. I read a quote somewhere that goes along the lines of  "There are only two facts, Birth and Death, everything else is fiction".There is one more fact that remains constant between birth and death, and that is Change. Change is inevitable just like the other two facts.

There was a time, when the term "Change" used to bother me only when paying utility bills  and buying tickets in a city bus. The moment you show up with a note of higher denomination they go into a shock of dread and terror as if they have seen a hoard of zombies rushing towards them and their heads involuntarily turn sideways alternatively while chanting the mantra "No Change" repeatedly.

While most people dread change, there are some who want change, no, not the beggars, the politicians. However the former ones are a lot more successful in getting the change they wanted. Let me rephrase Politicians promise change, Obama did, Chiranjeevi did. That is all that they did. There are some who have actually made statements, as if the mere utterance of that statement itself will bring the change. Need Proof!! the famous "गरीबी हटाओ" translated to "Remove Poverty" from our very own Iron Lady of India. No matter how many times she shouted that out in the meetings the bloody poverty still remains.

Apart from these politicians who promise or talk about bringing change there are people who are working with all the passion to bring change to this world we are living in, trying to make it a better place for everybody. They are working on many issues we are facing today. There are people trying to save various species of animals, there are people trying to save forests, reduce pollution, reduce poverty and hunger issues etc. There are places that have completely banned the usage of plastic, the shops are encouraging customers to use the bio degradable bags (actually they are trying to make money out of selling these bags). With all these happening did the world become a better place?? No, not yet. Will it become a better place somewhere in the near future?? I seriously doubt it.

One of the reasons being any change that happens quickly tends to wear out quickly and for a change to leave a long lasting impact it has to be slow and steady. Another reason is that while working at bringing the change we need to change the root cause of all these problems.

Today I see people with total disregard to others and the world except themselves, their kin and their home. A simple example, a person however well educated he/she maybe, will cut through traffic , violate traffic rules, jump traffic signals, drive wrong way and cause inconvenience and sometimes accidents, because all he/she can think of is reaching the place they want to no matter what the circumstances are and whatever the consequences might be. There are people who support this kind of attitude and back it up with lame excuses and twisted theories.

Although violating traffic rules might not be one of the issues that is most concerning, I am talking about the mind set the attitude, the thought process of that person who can't think or act beyond his own existence.I personally believe that before trying to change anything else, one should try and change the very sinews of their mind and the minds of those around. it is the thought process of the people that has to be changed. Again trying to change the mind set of a person is almost impossible because I also believe that once a person is moulded and has formed a perspective of the world, it is difficult to convince otherwise. People are receptive to change only if it works out for them in a way that will benefit them.

Without changing this mindset of people, no matter how hard we try, the world will still be in the same rut that it is today. I believe that the best way to bring about this change is to cultivate the right things from the child hood as part of education. Show by example to them the joy of sharing, the virtue of being kind, courteous  and respectful to each other, to think over and beyond themselves, help them see the bigger picture of how the earth is our home and every single act of ours directly or indirectly affects the earth in either a favourable or adverse way, let them experience the pleasures in preserving the nature's balance and living in harmony with the nature around them. This change will be slow, it will take generations but I am sure that it will last.

Snakes Scarabs and Monkeys

I was always a big fan of Spielberg movies and thus I happened to watch "Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom" albeit a bit late. It starts in China, then crosses Himalayas and Indy lands in India and then the story begins. There were scenes in the movie that were shockingly amusing and enlightening.

1. All the people in India except Amrish Puri and the guy who is sacrificed and a few guards, speak Sinhala, spoken by Sinhalese a.k.a people of Sri Lanka.

2. Indian Maha Rajas Dinner feast involves assorted snake salad, eye ball soup (the actual eye balls, not the Halloween eyeball soup), Roasted scarabs for main course and chilled monkey brain for dessert. Now I wonder where in the hell did he get hold of these MajaRaja meals recipes that we have kept hidden for ages.. damn!!!


There are other amusing things about the movie but hey.... its just a movie

History of Twisted Minds

It was one of those rare moments where emotions conflict and you don't know whether to laugh or cry. While most of Hindus were celebrating Dussehra, yet another festival of Good triumphing over Evil by goddess Durga putting an end to Mahishasura  there were a few doing something that would count as one of those What The Duck !!! moments.

There are a group of people who were mourning Mahishasura's death mentioning that he was a great king and leader who belonged to backward castes and since the history was written by people didn't belong to their caste, fiddled with it and made it a glorious day which should have actually been a Black Day. They argue that people should read and try to understand history properly, only then they would know how great Mahishasura was and how he was destroyed by a Goddess belonging to a forward caste.

Now somebody try and explain them the difference between mythology and history, no wait don't, unless you belong to those backward castes chances are that you too will try to cover up the real history. being a fair person that I am, I tried to take their argument and do some research . Things that I found were more than shocking and can be read from here and here. 

Both claim that this guy was not even a complete human being but a cross between a demon and a she buffalo, wherein the demon fell in love (whether it was one sided or mutual is not known) with a she buffalo (or a demoness in the form of a buffalo) and this was the product of their consummation. It is also given that the demon while making this orgasmic trans-species love, was attacked and killed by another wild buffalo. Well who wouldn't, wouldn't you if one of your kind was being molested by one of a different kind, as if the competition within the same species wasn't tough enough. For those of you thinking and getting disgusted about the whole demon on buffalo thingy, come on this guy was returning after a great penance where in he was deprived of all the worldly pleasures for a long long period of time. There are people who would molest dogs because they missed their wives.Now we know the origins of these kind of people.

However I didn't find any trace of Mahishasura being a great king of the downtrodden, no doubt these forward caste bastards have eliminated all the evidences and twisted all the facts even on internet. Now I join these humble people and mourn the death and condemn the oppression that has been and is still being carried out by the so called forward caste. Shame on you..

Update: After some more research A.K.A surfing internet i found about this tribe who mourn the death of mahishasura and some more info here and here . All these articles talk about a specific tribe, please don't confuse them with the well educated city dwelling people I have mentioned above.

Jeeezzz..You have been Profiled!!!

The first time I came across the word "Profile", one of my intelligent and worldly smart friends told me that, when you add a photo to a bio-data it is called a profile (I know I have very smart friends) so when I read in some newspaper that the police were asking for the profile of a murderer from the witnesses, I was like How the hell will the witnesses have the bio-data of the murder that too with a picture on it. By that time I was taught to look up in the dictionary for the meanings of words I didn't know and not to rely on the intelligent friends. The next time my mind went bonkers was when i saw some American news channel blaming some one for racially profiling someone and found that it can be used as a gentler and politically correct version of abusing someone based on his caste, colour, creed, sex, race, religion etc. This got me into thinking of all the times i have been "Profiled" and I didn't even know. 

I am really not sure if it was in my 6th or 7th standard. I was new to the school and some kid was bothering me, making it difficult for me to concentrate on the lecture. Although the teacher noticed it she didn't react, so I had to take matter into my own hands. All i did was take his book and throw it out of the class and that's when the teacher's hand landed right across my cheek with all the force and I was asked to get out of the class for being arrogant. I later came to know that the kid bothering me was that teacher's relative. I was "Relatively Profiled".

I guess it was my 8th standard and the context in discussion are our unit tests that are held every month. I have to give a bit of humble self introduction although it might look like bragging. I was a topper most of my academic life if not every year and since I have changed too many schools I had to prove it every time. so this was again a new school and new teachers. I never bothered about my marks in Science and Maths because i was the best at the remaining six subjects (Yes I had to study eight subjects for the first 10 years of my academic life) and they always got me into one of the top 3 positions. This time I was slipping the third position by two marks to a girl and I should mention that the stress is on "two marks" than the fact that it is a "girl" to whom I was losing that position. So I approached my Telugu teacher with my answer sheet and her answer sheet, don't ask me how i got hold of her answer sheet. I compared both papers, pointed out some mistakes and asked her why she was awarded more marks. Even her handwriting was no better than mine and I have even attempted extra questions. The answer she gave me was more than shocking and my confidence in fair evaluation was shaken to the roots and beyond. She said "Aren't you ashamed!! to compete with a girl" and she cut out two more marks from my paper and I slipped from 4th to 5th position. I was "Gender profiled".

I should also mention that I was little more on the chubby side, which made me look dumb and the so called smart students of the class didn't want anything to do with me. It is a different story that they were not smart enough to know that the girls in the class loved chubby boys only because i reminded them of their teddy bears.  Now I know I was being "Physically Profiled". So I hung out with the less fortunate students of the class who actually were dumb. Even before my first unit test in the school during one of the classes, I was clearing a doubt of one of my less fortunate friends had during a lecture (ok we were making fun of some students) which provoked the teacher to make me and my friends stand up and fired a series of questions all of which were answered by me. I thought she didn't have anything else in her arsenal but I thought wrong. She said "If you keep hanging out with these kind then one day you will be dumb like them". WTF I have been "Friendly profiled" (Profiled based on the friends I have) and they have been "Academically Profiled" (Profiled based on their academic competence).

Add another couple of years where we moved on to specializations and I had to take Maths Physics and Chemistry. I did well in Maths and Physics but i couldn't get a grip on Chemistry. These were not the years of my academic brilliance and I was just another average student partly because of my love for cricket and partly because I got over the feeling of hatred for girls (for reasons see "Gender Profiled") and started discovering feelings of a different kind. So my results in chemistry were my academic worst and were just enough to get me to the next year. I was never interested in chemistry lectures and spent time doing extra-curricular activities. During one of those sessions I was disturbed by the chemistry lecturer and he started firing questions, I had a sense of Dejavu. Like I said those were not the days of my academic brilliance, so I stood there silently for the lecturer to run out of questions. He was disgusted and said that people like me are good for nothing and I would become one those loafers on the streets and end up in a gutter some day, all that because I didn't show interest in his subject. OMG I have been "Subjectly Profiled". 

On an unrelated note Mr. Chemistry lecturer if you are reading this, your prophecy has turned out partly true. I have been loafing on the roads a lot but in a fully packed, high end version SUV. 

I was and I am still being profiled based on different aspects and really don't understand people getting all bent out of shape over this subject.

A Post for Dad

Five years to this day, and I still remember rushing to the hospital after the news that Dad is being shifted to ICU and it was all over by the time I reached. I was late, by a lifetime. This is remembering him for all that he was for me. 

He was not a very popular person, in fact he was considered an introvert and was always uncomfortable in crowds and gatherings and kept to himself. It still surprises me on how could this guy even manage to propose and end up marrying my mom who was totally opposite in nature. Although he did not mingle well with many people he always maintained a set of friends and held them close to his heart. His best friends were his books which he always carried where ever he went.

In my mom's words he is a very passionate and sensitive person who couldn't express well and that it is our duty to try and understand him which I never did, and argued. He was a Translator by profession for thirty nine years, which means he was a master of languages but  always failed to express what he wanted to tell. Maybe it was me who failed to understand him.

He has a beautiful handwriting and almost painted the words he wrote and  was very poetic but he would never show it to anyone. Even I wouldn't have known it If I didn't come across some of his writings in an old neglected book.

When I was about seven years old I was being shouted at by my mom for violating her iron rule that I should always play in the same street and get into the house before it gets dark. At one point my mom asked me to get out of the house and live on the streets and i don't even know what got into me, I turned around and stepped out assuming my mom would back out but it misfired and my mom slammed the door behind me and asked not to return, to which I replied I was not going to. Once outside I was devising my plans on what to do and where to go and I thought that I could go to my aunt's place which was close by but wasn't really sure about the directions. Then I saw dad returning from office in a distance and accumulating all the tears I could accumulate, ran towards him, jumped into his arms and complained that I was asked to get out of the house. I am sure he must have smiled within himself but he never showed it out. He wiped my tears carried me home,  shouted at everyone responsible for it, then he fed me and put me to sleep. I was a happy kid again.

I remember how he used to wake me and my brother everyday by rubbing our eyes gently while we rolled lazily on the bed throwing childish tantrums. He used to massage our hands and legs and pulled our fingers and toes to make them click while our mom got us hot steaming milk with lot of foam which was a necessity. 

He used to polish our shoes until they are really shining and even put them on us himself, he used to tuck in our shirts neatly, cut our finger nails, when the time came for me to move on from the regular pre knotted ties with elastic bands to the regular ties, he taught me the secrets behind single and double knots and he derived pleasure out of all that he did for us. We were more afraid of our mom than our dad and always used to run to him for consolation or to get anything done. he was very different from the regular run of the mill dads. He was always warm and cozy and me and my brother used to compete to snuggle by his side.

As we grew up, like everything else our lives changed or rather we changed and started moving away from him creating a gap that we never attempted to bridge. We always expected him to bridge the gap and understand our arrogance and everything was his fault. We always complained on what he didn't do than realizing all that he did. Through all this, he always watched out for us, gave us good education, morals and values and was always proud of us.

I still remember the day rushing to the hospital realizing how wrong I was all the time and wanted to tell him how proud I was of him and how much I loved him but it was too late. Although he wouldn't hate me for what I did, now as a father, I realize how much I have hurt him after all that he did for us. I am sorry dad and I couldn't be a good son to you, I will at least try to be a good father.

Dad... you are the best that I ever had and you will always be remembered and cherished.

Game.. Set.. and Match

How many of us have seen the movie Gladiator?? I guess almost every regular movie goer would have watched this movie either with a aaawwwwwww or a aaaaaaaaawww. Don't ask the difference, I will be blamed for stereotyping.

So this movie that tells the tale of how a general became a slave then went on to become a gladiator who defied an emperor has been a huge success. There are many things that one gets to learn from that movie including the fact that royal families in Rome are inbred in the name of pure blood. So what amongst all caught your attention??  What was the most enlightening moment in the whole movie?

For me it was their contribution to the greatest political scam ever attempted and is still being used effectively and successfully. People have been and are still falling prey to this and they don't even realize, in fact they enjoy and derive pleasure out of it.

Any guesses yet!! I guess not..Its the games...still No? Do you remember the scene where the wuss of an emperor Whats-His-Name consults with his equally effete political adviser Whoever-That-Is on the plan of action to cover his ill reputation and popularity amongst people and officials. What do they come up with?? Let The Games Begin, albeit watching people die killing each other in an arena throwing in a bunch of wild animals here and there was the only game they knew  and appreciated, given the dark ages they were living in.  It's a different story that the plan backfired and the emperor got killed, that is because he was fool enough to be actually  tempted to participate in it.  

That flaw has been covered by the successors who took the concept to their heart and implemented with such finesse and impeccability that people have been and are still falling for this greatest fad.Thus began the legacy of bluffing people into entertaining them with different kinds of games, thus deviating them from the issues  and numbing their brains while the politicians got away with anything and every thing.

This concept has been improved from just using the games when necessary to run them for seasons together and invent different games for different seasons so that people are always occupied with something or other. This has been taken to such a level that it became big industry in itself and millions are making a living out of it.

Now if this is not the most inspiring aspect of the movie that has revolutionized politics i don't know what else is....

P.S. A question might arise, Gladiator released ages ago so why now!! This post is a  dedication to all the people behind organizing  Common Wealth Games who have taken this concept a step ahead and actually scammed the process of organizing the Games

I Robot

When I announced before everybody that I would have been happy if Enthiran got the kind of attention than the Janmabhoomi/Babri verdict, people gave me "those" looks. I mean why not, for the sheer entertainment it can provide rather than people fighting over land in the name of religion and God, I am all for Enthiran A.K.A Robot.
To begin with I was never a fan of Rajinikanth and always wondered why the hell are people crazy over this guy. So I did what any sane guy with a sane mind would do, watch his films. In the beginning I disliked them but was strangely attracted to them. Then I would stop channel surfing and watch Rajinikanth without batting my eyes. His mere appearance worked magic on me like.. Govinda, Charlie Chaplin and the ilk of them. No I am not comparing them I am just saying that all these never fail to entertain me. Then finally his movie "Sivaji" nailed it, very deep, into my head and now if I have to die and allowed to do one last thing it would be to watch a Rajinikanth movie.
Coming to his latest movie, I keep hearing nonsense and cacophony about how the concept is copied from a bunch of Hollywood movies. Did you ignoramuses even know that "God created man in his own image". Now you don't hear people blaming God for copying do you!!! Even God ran out of ideas and had to copy himself to create man, I don't blame men who have acquired that by inheritance from God.
There are some who say that he looks all made up and very artificial. If this not an unfair comment I don't know what is!!! Hello... he plays a Cyborg and they are not supposed to look natural, they are supposed to be artificial and if robots don't look artificial I don't know who else should!! Of course with the exception of Aishwarya Rai. For once Rajinikanth gets to live up to his role and you go all gaga over him, Shame on you.
If there are any cyborgs that I approve of it's him , him and him and not him, he looks too natural to be a Robot. So there you go Robot, Robot, dil se dile milao.
P.S. : On a very related note while watching the promos I was confused if Rajni was playing the Robot or Aish...

The Verdict

Some people, OK most Indians waited with bated breath under intense pressure for the verdict on the issue that has been given more attention and hype than it really deserved. I would rather be happy if Rajnikanth's movie Enthiran gets that kind of attention. Most of the cities and towns closed their businesses, offices gave a half day, schools left the students out early and the roads were a pleasant sight to see. Its amusing that many people were worried and spreading the same among others that some riots would break loose and end in communal violence. That's not how it works I told them.
I watched many people expressing satisfaction or dissatisfaction over the verdict given. Personally there can't be a more pathetic verdict than what is given. The land is divided into three and distributed between religions so that they can worship their respective gods in their respective places. Are you trying to divide the land in the name of God/Religion!! and not to forget you are the folks who truly believe that God created this land and water. I would rather destroy these institutions of prayer and worship that preach us to differentiate, divide and raise walls among us in the name of God or Religion. i don't want these Gods I don't want these Religions.
I would have been more happy if the land is nationalized under heritage constructions and all the monuments are preserved as they are and protect it from the people claiming ownership of it based on God and religion.
The most amusing part of this is the news that sadhus expressing their joy over the verdict. To all those so called men of God, men who have sacrificed all pleasures in the name of God and are happy with the verdict, I just have three words for you. Since sadhus don't have a habit of reading blogs there is no point of publishing those words here.