The things I do

This is something I did to one of my poor unsuspecting niece, I think I will never hear from her again
I am mean , NO??

The things I say

or rather the things I said...not all are my original creations.
 

• Karma Cafe Doesn't have a menu, it serves what you deserve!!!
• Independence is a myth!!
• The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few, or the one!!!
• If I could, I would!! But I can't, So I shan't!!!
• Bird gone, snake come!!!
• Dresses don't make you look fat, you look fat because.... you are fat!!!!
• Is it time to build pyramids and spaceships yet!!!!
• Adverb: A verb that is used in too many Ads!!!
• Pronoun : A noun that lost it's amateur status!!!
• They are awarding military ranks to cricket players, what next!!! Awarding Param Veera Chakra to the guy who marries Rakhi Sawant!!!
• The day will pass.... just close your eyes, breathe deeply, don't make any movements and the day will pass....
• You know what they say about alcohol numbing your senses and destroying brain cells...
• Thought of the Day!!! I am still thinking!!
• It's funny when people say they are busy, no they are not busy, they are just busy to talk with the likes of you!!!  
• Men are like nerves, Women are like muscles!!!
• Correlation does not imply Causation!!!
• Inner peace!!! I need to find my Inner peace!!!!.. I think I will just get some coffee
• If you are "Randomly Selected" for additional screening 99% of the time at airport security, then there is a possibility that the "Selection" is not "Random"!!!
• A normal, functional life has become a privilege I can't afford anymore!!!
• Life is like a multiple choice question, sometimes the choices confuse you, not the question itself
• Dentists!!! We can use them better for interrogating tough cookies
• The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!!!!
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!!!
• The dentists asks "This is going to hurt a bit, is that OK?" like I have a choice!!! It's like the executioner asking the man to be hanged, "This is going to break your neck , is that OK?"
• Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them!!!
• I'm leaving now to go find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!!!
• Everybody is entitled to be stupid at one time or other, but some people abuse the privilege!!!
• Google must be a woman, It knows everything!!!
• Sometimes your whole life boils down to one one insane move... I am yet to make that move!!!
• Its official!!! my wife can go shopping even in a medical store, now somebody beat that!!!
• Point to Ponder: Noah's Ark was built by Amateurs, Titanic was built by Professionals...
• Too much rest is very tiring...
• Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them
• If you're good at something, never do it for free
• After all is said and done, more is said than done!!!
• My wife always spells Husband as Hus-Bend, I used to wonder why!! i don't anymore!!!
• We don't see things as they are... we see them as we are....
• Which is worse? Ignorance or Apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
• When everything is coming your way... you probably are in the wrong lane
• Says, Confucius!!! since you have asked here is one in your honour, "A day without sunshine is like.... you know.... Night"
• You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough...
• Life is a bleach and then you dye!!!
• All choices are not compromises, but every compromise is a choice...
• I think the pointers that connect a name to face are broken in my brain
• True Friends are like Chocolates, you can't have too many of them at the same time
•  When life gives you lot of chocolates, distribute them all and go for a low fat, low calorie, high fibre Salad
• Life is like a box of chocolates, when I opened it tonight, I found a yummy pizza thanks to a very dear and close one, actually two....
• Life is like a box of chocolates... Don't open it if you are afraid of cavities
• Life is like a box of chocolates, when i opened it I found granola bars!!!
• Life is like a box of chocolates, at some point or other, you will finish all the chocolates
• Life is like a box of chocolates, When I opened the box I found peanut butter cookies
•  Life is like a... Roller Coaster Ride and you thought I would say Box of Chocolates didn't you!!!
• Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
• My father used to carry a news paper, I carry a laptop...  
•  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was, convincing the world he didn't exist.
• We don't tear the the screen because the movie was bad, do we!!
  We don't throw away bread because there is mold on it, do we!!
• When I talk.. simply vibrating No!!!
• When you can't laugh on the same joke again and again, why do you keep crying over the same thing again and again!!!
• The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and no matter how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!
• Don't EXPECT Miracles, BELIEVE in them!!!
• I am in an ethical pickle....
• Everything in life is a miracle, that's for certain.
  Some are just not the kind of miracles one hopes to see...
• The more I read, the less I Know
• I don't do something doesn't mean I Can't do!!!
• I have no complaints with death, it is life that is troubling me ;)
• Reality is the ultimate illusion...
• When others ask you for advice, they are not really looking for your opinion, they are looking for you to agree with their opinion                                                              
• No matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter who you meet, at the end of the day you gotta be home,... and I am going home
•  The problem with being fair is that the world isn't....