A B C D E F G to Road Crossing

The other day I was crossing one of the busiest roads and my loathing for Indian Educational System engulfed me and I did what any sane person in India would do. Stop in the middle of the road and start thinking. What about all the traffic!!! one might wonder, Who gives a damn!!! says I, as long as I am standing safely on the divider. 

So I was standing there thinking about the lesson that was taught long back in school on how to cross roads. If  one strictly goes by the book and whatever it has to say then me thinks one has to pack one's breakfast,lunch and dinner along with some snacks and lots of water to cross a single road because this is what the book has to say. How to cross roads?. Even the traffic police of Chandigarh have the same 5 point scheme. Lets discuss in detail.

The first step always begins with "Look for a safe place/ zebra crossing to cross", What are you smokin Bro..

Next one is more absurd than the first one "Stand on the pavement away from the edge", Pave.. what!!! haven't heard of those

Then comes the part which, if taken literally, one will spend and entire day exercising their neck.  "Look left, look right for traffic"yeah keep looking and that's what you will be doing.

Then "Wait until it is safe to cross the road" and the waiting continues.

The final step "walk briskly to the other side of the road while watching out for traffic.

Although those steps are not incorrect, they are not practical for the contemporary world that we are living in and should be updated with the pointers from people who have successfully crossed roads everyday and lived to tell their stories.

So here is  A  Beginner's Comprehensively Definitive and Effectively  Functional Guide to Road Crossing, and you thought I have put those alphabets in the title just like that, didn't you???

1. Always stick to the herd, because it is a jungle out there and the predators can be put in check only by the strength of the number.

2. Never ever be on the right/left hand side of the group, because whenever a crazy driver decides not to slowdown it is the right/left most person who will be hit first. if you think that I am being insensitive, remember it is a jungle out there.

3. Look for an alpha male or a beta female and stay closer.The safest place is in the middle or beside  a horizontally unchallenged person which will result in cushioning the blow if there is any.

4. It also a good idea to walk beside tall people who are visible from longer distances for the vehicles approaching. They also tend to discourage the vehicles from getting closer, for the same reasons the hyena did not get closer to the kid with tree bark on his head in Gods must be crazy.

5.When starting to cross focus on the people next to you and  sync your steps with them, not one step ahead not one step behind. Never ever take your eyes off them to look at the traffic, never.

6. Maintain strong cohesiveness with the crowd while crossing the road, don't slow down or run ahead because, read pointer number 1.

Follow these rules and you will reach the other side of the road successfully. In the case that you are the only person crossing the road or the unfortunate horizontally unchallenged person like me who will eventually end up on the right side of the gathering there are different rules.

1. Try to see the bigger picture of the oncoming traffic, study the patterns and identify the gaps. There are several pointers on how to do that.

    a. Look out for anyone down the path crossing the road, which will create a considerable gap for you to get through. 

    b. Don't look out too far, because even if a gap is created, the vehicles will be accelerating to close the gap by the time you are anywhere near the gap and believe me they will not want to brake the speed to let you through.

2. Never ever start crossing in the close proximity of a large vehicle like a bus. If you try crossing before it reaches you, it will block your view and you might never know which crazy lunatic is trying to overtake it from the other side. In other words your view should be clear before crossing for the reason mentioned in pointer a

3. Don't cross the road immediately after the large vehicle has passed as you would not have had enough time to identify the gaps and the lunatics driving behind are always eager to get past the large vehicle and will never slow down.

4. Never try to cross when you are being approached by a homogeneous group of vehicles (same category of vehicles, two wheelers, three wheelers, four wheelers), rather it is a good idea to cross when being approached by a heterogeneous group of vehicles, reason being the relative speeds are different and often the slower moving vehicle cuts down the average speed of the group and is usually prone to  create a gap for you to safely cut through.

5. It is not enough to just find a gap, that is the first step, the next step is to give them a signal to slow down and that you are ready to cross by lifting your hand anywhere between 45 to 90 degrees from your body's axis towards the direction of the oncoming traffic. Although this will not cushion the impact if any, we will be on safer side because we have made our motive to cross the road very clear.

6. Cross the road in a slow, steady manner, no sudden movements and no going back and forth and always focus and sync with the vehicles approaching because, the lunatics inside the vehicles are trying to speed up or slow down based on your movements.  

7. If you believe in Star Wars try to stare deeply into the eyes of the drivers, trust me the weaker ones will comply and brake.If they don't, then you know that they are not weak, you are.

8. Take a break and relax once you have reached the divider and rejoice because whoever was taking cover beside you will face the brunt of identifying patterns and finding gaps and leading the herd to other side of the road safely from all the predators.

9. Additionally you can carry a long object that will create a safety perimeter around you with the diameter equivalent to the length of the object. This will work for all the vehicles except the larger ones.

Well there you are, a practical guide to safe road crossing and unlike the text books and traffic websites, i will update it with latest information. So don't get cross with crossing the road, just learn how to cross.