Adventure!!! Thy Name is MKan 2- The American Adventure

So we venture out again all alone into unknown realms to find new adventures but this time, in the land of USA. I had a 3 day break for Christmas and I decided to do one of those long drives. This time I decided to visit Dallas which is about 820 miles and around 13 hours of journey one way. I took off two more days and reserved a full size rental car with cruise control for the travel. usually this wouldn't have been an adventure but the way it started, I was sure it was going to turn into one.

The Route
Being the crazy guy that I am, I decided to avoid the interstate which normal people would prefer. I did some consulting, research and found a route that reduces the distance by 100 miles. I have to drive through Limon, Kit Carson, Eads, Lamar, Springfield and Campo in Colorado, Boise city in Oklahoma, Dumas, Amarillo, Wichita Falls in Texas. It goes through small towns and crosses the great plains and mostly a two lane road. Also it is prone to high winds, blowing snow and ice rains. So i decided not to do the journey in one stretch and booked a hotel room half way through.

The Weather
I was supposed to start on Thursday afternoon and it snowed that Monday. I kept on checking the weather and it was supposed to be more or less clear after that day all along the route. I know I have said this before and I will say it again, if everything goes well then its definitely not my life. Wednesday night a snow storm sets and it continues to snow till the Thursday morning and almost a foot of snow has accumulated. Now any sane person would have second thoughts of starting on a journey in that kind of weather.

The Car
I reserved a full size car with cruise control and stuff so that the journey would be comfortable even if the conditions outside get worse. I got permission to leave early and went to the car rentals to collect my car. They didn't have any full size cars at that time, so they gave me a Ford Focus, and the guy said that it has cruise control and has no problems maneuvering in the snow.

The Journey
I got my first hint that this is going to turn into an adventure when I reversed the car  out of the drive way after loading my stuff into the car and it got stuck in snow. I had no shovels, so I requested the neighbour and he came tot he rescue. We struggled a bit and got the car out of the snow, I thanked the guy and started on my journey. I was about one hour late. The drive was good although it was a bit slow with all the roads covered in snow and ice. Fifteen minutes into the journey I realized I forgot my music cds I have burnt for the trip. After driving a couple of hours the roads started clearing up and I started driving at the designated speed. The first thing I observed in the car, there is no cruise control, the second the the top speed is restricted to 80mph. This was my second hint. I stopped briefly to fill petrol (not gas) and buy some snacks.

After that there was very less or no snow on the roads and the sky was clear which was relief. I even caught up with some sunshine just before the sunset at 4:30PM. Yes the sun sets at that time and it gets dark by 5PM. After driving a while I realized that I am driving through the parts that was hit worst by the snow and the temperature kept on dropping as I went further. Most of the road was frozen, but the good thing was it was snow rather than ice. Again any sane person would decide to stop in the next town and spend the night there.
I have driven in those conditions twice earlier and was an experienced driver. So I gradually started increasing the speed to see how much the car can handle and I was surprised that the car maintained its grip on the road at even a decent 50mph.Now I have been told that there will be drivers with no experience in driving the snow and I wished there wasn't any ahead of me and within the next 5 minutes there was this guy driving at 20mph and a train of cars and trucks following that guy. I obliged for some time and decided to pass those vehicles and ultimately the driver who didn't have the guts to drive on an icy road and wouldn't pull over and give a chance to others.
At around 6:50 PM I thought I crossed the worst part of it and was about 29 miles from Boise City, Oklahoma. That is when I saw a long train of vehicles coming to a halt. The guy ahead of me informed that a big rig slid on ice and blocked all traffic for the next 3 miles. I sat there in the car for one and half hour observed the temperature dropping to 9 degrees Fahrenheit and the road freezing up. The block was cleared and everybody was driving really slow and initially I understood their predicament and i drove slowly along with them. After crossing into Oklahoma the roads were clear but the drivers were still going slow. I was running out of patience as I had to drive another hour and half to reach my hotel and it was already 10.
So I gave other drivers a taste of my Indian driving and started passing vehicles whenever I got a chance at times passing two to three trucks at a stretch. Most of the car drivers took my cue and started passing the slow drivers. After driving like that for a while I was the ahead of all the vehicles by the time I reached Boise City and even the roads have cleared up. I was about 50 miles from my hotel  in Amarillo and the car started showing low Tyre pressure warning. I took my chances and drove on and reached the hotel at around 12:30

I woke up at 6AM, showered, had a hot breakfast and planned to start by 7 AM. When I reached the car, one of the tyres had very low pressure. So I drove to the nearest petrol bunk. I knew how to fill air in the tyres but I kind of forgot I have to put quarters in to get the air flowing. So I tried and tried but the pressure was not building up and then decided to change the tyre. Now there was a groove on the jack and I didn't know where to place it, so took help of some guys over there who  chipped the ice off the bottom of the car, placed the jack and even lifted it for me.I thanked them and started removing the tyre. The car moved a bit which should have been my hint that I did not put the handbrake on but I was in no mood for hints with the freezing temperature around. When I pulled the tyre out, the car rolled forward, the jack got stuck under the car along with the tyre. I was like, Great!!! Now we are having fun!!!

Some guys came to help and remove the jack from under the car but it was impossible. So I borrowed another jack , placed it nearer to the rear tyre and lifted the car a bit and got the first jack out. Now i placed the jack back in its position but the rod that is used to lift the jack was bent making it almost impossible to rotate. I struggled with it for a bit and every time i turned it my hand scraped on the freezing ground. Another guy took pity on me and helped me with lifting the jack. Then he saw that there was nothing wrong with the original tyre and asked me to put in quarters to fill air. That is when I let out some silent obscenities. we filled the air and the guy asked me to get it checked in a tyre shop. I thanked the guy profoundly and  continued on my journey at about 8:40 AM again taking my chances with the tyre. I covered good distance in time and  thought I would fill petrol again an hour and half before I reached my destination and pulled into a service station. That is when I realized that the low tyre pressure warning came up again. Fortunately that service station had a tyre shop, the guy found a small puncture in the tyre, patched it up and sent me on my way. The rest of the journey was uneventful and I reached at around 3:20 PM, 26 hours after I started on my journey.

The Return Journey

The return journey started at 6 AM and I decided to do it in a single stretch. I thought the petrol would be sufficient to reach Amarillo but the needle started dipping down faster than expected and the petrol low warning sigh lit up about 50 miles from Amarillo. I was  watching out for petrol stations in smaller towns, found a couple but they were out of service as expected. Thankfully I reached a petrol station just outside of Amarillo before I ran out of petro, filled  the tank grabbed a slice of pizza and continued my journey.

At one stretch there were three trucks back to back and whenever I tried to cross the third truck that guy closed the gap between his truck and second truck  and I had to back off. Then I looked for a long stretch of road and crossed all the three trucks in a single stretch. This might have pissed off the driver of the third truck, he passed the other two trucks and started chasing me. I approached a town and slowed down to 30 mph and the truck was right behind me and was trying to make me pull aside by getting nearer and nearer. Thankfully there was another guy who was watching this and he happened to be the town sheriff and he flashed his lights and sounded his siren as a warning sign and the truck backed off.

I was about 14 miles from the exit I was supposed to take to get to our local road and as expected the traffic slowed down due to an accident ahead. Thankfully I crossed the accident area soon and was on my way home. It took me about 13 hours from the start of the journey to the end  and I reached home at about 6 PM.

Returning the car

The next day I went to the rental to return the car and told the guy that it did not have  cruise control and  there was a 80mph limit, this being America and not India that guy reduced the rental by 50% and gave me a free upgrade to full size car on my next rental.

21

21!!! Yes that is the number and it boggles me. I have asked myself the same question again and again and the answer still evades me like a  Homo Erectus evading a Dinosaur. (Write that in a comment if you get it) This stupid spell checker marks the word "Erectus" in red. Oh I came up with another analogy, the answer evaded me like the spelling of the word "Erectus" evaded the spell checker. Not a great one but, you get what you get!!!
I tried to reason with it, i tried thinking  rationally and then irrationally but nothing came to my mind. The question still remains, why? What have I done to have 21 members following my blog and I don't even know any one of them personally. I know a couple of people who follow my blog but are not members. There is one friend who follows it religiously.
Anyway all I wanted to say to those of you, who are members and those who are not but still take out time to read my blog and leave comments, a very big, heart felt, THANK YOU. I feel privileged and I will keep adding posts going further.

So Far...

Here I am, back again in USA. This was an unexpected trip, and I was not in the right mindset for travel. To add to that, I had to work the two weekends prior to my travel and as if that was not enough I acquired cold and throat infection a week before my travel. Fortunately the cold subsided by the time that I had to travel but the throat infection was lingering around. I was traveling by Qatar Airlines, again, the airlines chosen by God out of the love he has for me and the things I say.
It all started with the security at the airport in Hyderabad. Out of the blue they decided to follow the security protocols followed by the airports in USA. So the lady officer asked me in a threatening tone to remove the laptop from the bag, if there is one and then my jacket and then my shoes. I saw where this was going and emptied my pockets and put everything into the tray including my passport and boarding pass. She was offended and called me back, and said take your passport and boarding pass with you and added "Do I have to tell everything???" to which I really wanted to say " No, I will just read your mind". I gathered enough courage to tell her that this was not how it was done earlier. In all that hurry, while collecting my things from the tray, I left my pen in the tray and the tray went back to that security officer by the time I realized. I didn't have the guts to go back and ask her to return my pen.
Now there is something everybody should know, I have to have a pen when I travel, I don't know why but I get paranoid if I don't carry a pen during travel. It really doesn't serve any purpose other than filling landing and customs cards. One could say I can borrow a pen from somebody beside me or from the air hostess, are you crazy!!! weren't you reading what I wrote above, I have to have a pen, I don't borrow pens. There are times when I entered a bank found that I didn't carry a pen, went out to a shop, bought a pen and went back to the bank. I remembered that there was an Odyssey store (store that sold books and stationery) inside the airport so I went inside confidently only to find out that they have closed the store to open a liquor store in that place. I couldn't see, but I was sure the big guy upstairs was smiling at my predicament.
I tried to divert my mind by calling and talking to people in USA starting with East Coast and ending with West Coast and devised a secret plan in the back of my mind. So I got into the plane slept through the flight and landed at Doha. I had two hours and I knew I had to pass through a special security check for USA bound flights and for that I have to be in the line for security at least one and half hour before the boarding started for that flight. So I raced through the shopping area, found a "I love Doha" pen and when I checked the price at the counter, the sales guy said 5 Dollars with a smug smile. I could hear God ROFL... but I went ahead and bought the pen anyway. At least I have peace of mind. The next stop was Restrooms and there was a queue, that is one place where I hate to wait in a queue.
I stood in the line for security clearance still wondering why do we have to do it, even after clearing security, traveling International and going through security clearance to get into Doha airport. I heard the guy at the security shouting , no liquids, no sprays, remove laptop from the bag, empty your pockets, remove your belt, remove your shoes, pass through the metal detector and stand still while we grope your body parts. Suddenly our eyes met and we had this telepathic conversation.
Me: Yeah we will remove everything including our dignity and self respect along with other items!!
Security Guy: Would you rather have yourself blown to pieces in mid air by some lunatic psychopath??
Me: Ummm, Do you want me to go for the Full Monty!!!
After clearing the security, I joined the queue for boarding with only 10 minutes left, where they herded all the passengers to ground floor where there was no air conditioning and no provision to sit. Another long wait there and then the bus arrives  and takes us to the plane, the plane is not ready and they make us wait in the bus which reminded me of a freezer. The cold and throat infection germs which were slowly withering and dying got their energy booster from that air conditioning and I started to sneeze and cough in the flight. Fortunately I was carrying all the medication with me in my pocket, so I took out a pill each for cold and throat infection and sent them down my throat for the battle.  A girl , was sitting beside me with the same problem, so I gave her the medicine so she could stop coughing and I could go back to my sleep. The rest of the flight was uneventful, and I landed in Washington D.C where I had to recheck-in my luggage for the local flight to Denver. When I got to Denver, out of the three bags that I checked in, one did not arrive, and that was the bag with all my clothes and essentials.Needless to say I could hear more ROFL in the background. I got my bag delivered the next day to the office. This is what happened so far... Will be back with more

Being Bad!!!

You know what they say about being good, they say it's not easy to be a good, well let me tell you something, being bad is no walk in the park!!! If you think being good is bad, then let me tell you how bad it is to be bad.

1. Nobody likes a bad guy, it is a very lonely life in Badville.
2. A bad guy can't trust anyone. Do you know how difficult is it to not able trust people around you.
3. A bad guy is never appreciated nor encouraged to do bad things. Do you know how hard it is go through life without feeling appreciated?
4.A good guy, when he does something bad, people try to reason and forgive him. If a bad guy does something good, people would think there is a selfish motive.
5. A bad ultimately gets beaten up by the good guys no matter how strong he is or how advanced his gadgets are.
6. A bad guy never gets the girl.
7. A bad guy has to do drugs, alcohol knowing the ill effects, there is no choice, it is like drinking poison knowing that it is poison.

I could go on but I guess I made my point!!!

Men are like dogs...

But in a good way....

Visitors of this blog know that I keep pondering every now and then and this thought has crossed my mind several times. So I kept pondering  and started making comparisons. Here is the list of things about dogs and if you replace the term "dog" with "man" it will still hold good.

1. Dogs need a lot of petting and  the petting differs from dog to dog.  A dog that is not well petted is not happy dog
2. Dogs need attention, you can't take their existence for granted and ignore them. You have to acknowledge their presence and encourage their activities.
3. Dogs know when they have done a mistake and will start acting all cute and innocent to minimize the after effects.
4. Feed a dog and show him enough love and affection, he will treat you like a God.
5. When a dog is happy, excited, angry or sad it shows in their face.
6. Dogs need proper training right from the beginning and it never ends. 
7. You can't teach an old dog, new tricks.
8. Dogs have to be groomed constantly, you can try your best but you can never keep a dog from getting dirty for a long time.
9. Dogs are lazy by nature and will lie in the same place all day if not bothered and their basic necessities are met.
10. Dogs will listen to you attentively, but would have understood only a word or two out of an entire conversation

Lost...

And I appear again like the never ending seasons of "Lost". I don't want to give excuses this time, let's just get on with the fact that even though I was away from blogging for some time, I am back.Life has been good, it always is, its just for us to look at the good side of the things happening and I have been looking at the other side. My dad and I never spent much of a quality time but whatever time we spent together, he taught me some valuable lessons. I remember him telling about how Self pity is a greater and dangerous addiction than smoking, drinking or even drugs. He gave himself as an example and asked me not to succumb to it. He also said, not his own words though, "When it comes to worrying know when to stop". So my car Rocky met with an accident, again and this time I didn't have the heart to even go look at it. I have been living a life without a car and a bike for the past two months and I have to accept its great!!! Everybody should try it for some time. It feels good to be back and will keep posting again. For anyone who is still checking this site, Thank You, you are the reason I keep coming back to write more!!!! Didn't I sound like a movie star back there!!!!

It's "Not" My Life

Prologue

So it happened like this that I was living my life and minding my business as usual and out of the blue my manager sends me a mail saying that he has sent my on-site visit for approval and while i was reading that mail and trying to get to terms with what I was reading because I was totally unaware of this situation and I was planning to send somebody from my team if any such thing happens and there comes another mail saying that my trip was approved and asking me how fast I could get on a plane. Wow, did you see that, one single sentence, all that in once single sentence. Anyway I was always willing to travel on-site so I told my manager that I would start after my son's birthday and this gave me a week's window.

If you knew the relationship I share with God you would have already guessed the airlines I was going to travel, yes it is the same airlines i was sarcastic about and had to travel in, last year. Qatar, Thank You God, you remembered!!! I knew there was no point frowning over it and being a guy who would rather try and improve things than sit and worry about them started to think on how the situation can be improved. A little introduction of my wife and her career. She has been handling corporate travels for an MNC for more than 4 years now and is in good terms with most of the airlines. Suddenly I was full of Ideas, well just one Idea. I challenged my wife, I knew requesting would not work, to upgrade me to business class and that I would gift her something that she would never imagine. She actually took the bait and started working on it. 

The day before my flight she tells me that she could upgrade my seat to business class from Hyderabad to Doha and I was like that's just 4 hours, couldn't you get the upgrade for second leg of the journey, Doha to Washington D.C.!! She was like be happy with what you got!! Then she explains to tell how she got me a VIP check-in because I was "supposedly" a Big Shot "Program Director" who frequently travels Lufthansa but decided to try Qatar for a change. I was like I can be a Program Director.  I check my status online and it still showed me in Economy class and inquired my wife concernedly to which she annoyingly explains how the process goes  and how the counters are updated with my "New " information and the online info doesn't matter anymore.I have to tell you that I have been traveling for the past 7 years and have been married for 6 years but not once did my wife come to the airport to see me off or pick me up and this time she decides to come, that is when I thought something in my life is going to change drastically.

It's Not My Life Part -1

Once in the Airport I got to skip all the lengthy queues of economy class and walk the red Carpet of Business Class. From the minute I handed over my itinerary everything changed, the desk clerk was very courteous and an attendant is sent to handle my luggage and another guy to fill up my information. Then the supervisor comes and wishes me shares his knowledge of my traveling Lufthansa frequently and expresses his gratitude that I have chosen their Airlines. The the guy who filled my forms escorts me to the immigration and then to the VIP lounge, wishes me Bon Voyage and leaves me. So I sit there and reflect on the things that have happened in the last 15 minutes wondering, well just wondering. Then I get into the flight where I was escorted to my extra large recliner seat and was offered a welcome drink. I have started to realize why business class passengers are boarded separately and the use of curtains that separate business and economy class. After the airplane took off, I was offered a choice of breakfast and it was not dumped on your tray like it is done in economy class. First they bring you the drink then the main course and then a dessert. Not to mention the seats were much wider and reclined completely and it was amazingly comfortable. I was enjoying it to the core when it struck me that I have to get back to the economy seats for the second leg of journey which was 14 hours long and that got me into thinking. With these thoughts I landed in Doha airport and the business class passengers were taken in a separate bus to the terminal. I cleared my security clearance twice and arrived at the gate.

It's Not My Life Part - 2

Other than blogging I read blogs that are entertaining, “Doing Jalsa and Showing Jilpa” happens to be one of those and KrishAshok happens to be a frequent flyer and keeps posting about his travelling experiences and microwaved airline food.  In of those he mentions about how he is a frequent flyer and how he approached the ticket counter and asked for an upgrade and got it. That struck me and struck me at the right moment, which was very important. Also the words of my wife on how my information is updated in their database struck me at the same time. So with all the confidence when I approached the   counter I told them that I requested for an upgrade and it was confirmed up to Doha but not up to Washington D.C. They quickly enter my record locator in their systems and they get something saying I have been authorized for upgrade but upgrade was only done till Doha. So they talk between themselves, pull me out of the line and ask me to wait. The guy informs me courteously that there are two business class seats and if they don’t turn up within 15 minutes they are going to upgrade me.  With the kind of luck I have I did not set any hopes on it but decided to wait. I waited for 20 minutes and one guy turns up and I get the upgrade. I was pretty amused, overjoyed, pleased with myself and went to the pickup area for the flight.  There is a bus waiting and asking if there are any business class passengers left out and when I go forward, he takes me, an me alone in the bus to the airplane and I take the stairs to the business class which is in the front of the plane watching economy passengers cramming on to the stairs at the end of the flight. Now this flight was bigger and better than the earlier one and so was the service. The seats even had massagers in them with multiple functions. i had a choice of selecting some premium dishes for lunch. They gave me a track suit and when I changed into it, the flight attendant took my clothes, folded then and put them in a closet. I was like if I was travelling first class maybe they would even wash and iron my clothes. More than anything the toilets were wider and empty most of the time unlike the toilets in economy. I wanted to just sit in there for the sake of enjoying the luxury of a spacious toilet.  The fourteen hours passed before I even noticed and I landed in Washington D.C.  At immigration the officer talked to me in a language that my brain was not even tuned to listen and I had to ask him to which he asks me again in Telugu on how many days am I going to stay and the reason for visiting U.S. I was looking at him with utter disbelief and he was like oh well go ahead enjoy your stay. That was the silver lining to everything that happened until then. I was standing at the baggage carousel recollecting wondering whatever happened in the last twenty four hours and was telling myself, this is not my life, this is definitely not my life. I spent two days with family there and headed for Denver, my final destination.

Epilogue A.K.A Welcome to My life

Not to mention I had to take the economy class and I got the middle seat and I started thinking now this the life I am familiar with.  Then the pilot announces that the plane will be descending to land in Denver airport and during the descent turbulence and cross winds hit the plane and the plane plummets and shakes violently making me feel sick. I started to breathe heavily and people around me got concerned and it looked like the longest time taken for a flight to land. As soon as it landed, I got up and was feeling very weak, I gathered enough strength to take the cabin baggage and walk out of gate in a rush to get to the cab service. I heard my name being announced at the gate and realized that I picked up somebody else’s cabin baggage, so I had to drag myself back to the gate and apologized to the guy but he didn’t look like he cared. Then I observed that he broke the handle of my cabin luggage but was too weak to say anything. So I dragged myself to the terminal to the cab service desk and I had 25 minutes before the cab picked me up. So I went to the baggage carousel to pick my luggage, my baggage arrived soon enough and I had 15 minutes to the aisle where the cab picks up people. There were two problems. I was so weak that I crashed into the chair nearby, I needed a 5 dollar note for the trolley but all I had were 100$ notes.  I told myself that I needed 10 minutes to be OK and then I threw up. One of the janitors there called a paramedic but I did not need any medication. Needless to say I missed the cab so I go to the cab service desk again and they tell me that I have one hour before the next cab arrives. I ask them for change, take a trolley load my luggage, go to the restroom, get some water, rest for some time and went to the aisle 15 minutes before time. Then I had to wait for the cab for 30 minutes in -6 Degrees and finally get into the cab.  Just before dozing off in the cab I told myself, yes this sounds more like my life, Hi there, how are you?? I missed you, and we were back together again.

Blasphemy!!!!

Just when you think  it couldn't get any worse, there are always people who will go out of the way and outdo the worst that has ever happened.  How could somebody get themselves to commit such hideous acts. Don't they have any shame, Don't they realize that there will be consequences for their deeds and yet they continue to do what they do. I am angry, I am sad, I am mad.

These people have committed a mistake a very big mistake. Do they even realize what they have done!!! Its an atrocious blasphemy on an exponentially magnanimous scale , I say. Such nerve they have to do this.  Do they have a death wish to award Rajnikanth as the entertainer of the decade???Such an insult, You don't give an award to Rajnikanth, awards fall humbly at the feet of Rajnikanth waiting for his merciful glances. You don't honour Rajnikanth with awards, you honour the awards with Rajnikanth.

Entertainer of the decade, they say.What are they going to do next? Make him the Entertainer of the Millennium!!! Ignorant fools!!!Even after this outrageous act, Rajnikanth accepts the award with a smile, such humbleness, such brilliance. Thalaivaa, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Mothers Don't Care

Now don't get me wrong and get all bent over that title, because I have not assigned a context to it and according to Einstein's Theory of Relativity a title does not have any significance unless  it is spoken under a context. No!!! That is not what Theory of Relativity is about!!!

Anywayzzz let me put the title in context. How many superheroes do we have? How many of them have mothers? Of course all of them have mothers but in all those movies you have watched, how many showed their mothers?I will give you a list of superheroes and think how many have a mother by the time they have become superheroes.

Superman - Parents killed while he was an infant and is brought up by surrogate alien parents

Batman - Parents killed by a thief when he was a kid, raised by the butler

Spiderman - Parents dead, raised by aunt and uncle

I can go on Robin, Hulk, Flash, Fantastic Four, Phantom, a whole series of mutant superheroes in X-Men like Wolverine. There is no account of their mothers

Even if you consider the SCi-Fi / Socio Fantasy Adventure heroes 

Anakin Skywalker(a.k.a DarthVader, oh yes he is a hero, just turned to the dark side) - Mother killed by bandits

Luke Skywaker (son of Anakin Skywalker) - Mother died after conceiving him.

Han Solo , Yoda, Obi Wan Kenobi, Captain Kirk, Spock, Indiana Jones.

There is a strong reason on why there is no account of their mothers or they cease to exist by the time they have achieved their prime. If they existed the situations would have been like this

Yoda : Mom do we have anything to eat, very hungry, I am.

Mom : Look at you, you are the supreme Jedi master and you can't even get your grammar correct. I wonder who made you a master!!!

Darth Vader : Mom I have turned to the dark side, how do I look now?

Mom : Good for you honey, Now what is with that stupid helmet and heavy breathing? are you having an asthma attack???

Superman: Mom, I am flying off to fight bad guys

Mom : Why can't you take a car like everybody else and remember, no bullets in the eyes, I am not going to attend to your booboos.

Batman's Mom : What's wrong with you? Why can't you sleep in the nights and fight crime during day time like all other superheroes. Why can't you have a single girlfriend like Superman and Spidey ?

Spider Man's Mom : Spidey!!! I don't care if it is your gift or your curse just clean your room before you go out , I am not touching those cobwebs

See what I mean, Moms don't care if you are a warlord or a superhero, you are just a baby to them and all they want is to turn you into a respectable man and see you settle down in life. 

I am sure even Einstein's mother would have interrupted him during one of his greatest inventions  to yell, Albert, you need a haircut!!!

A B C D E F G to Road Crossing

The other day I was crossing one of the busiest roads and my loathing for Indian Educational System engulfed me and I did what any sane person in India would do. Stop in the middle of the road and start thinking. What about all the traffic!!! one might wonder, Who gives a damn!!! says I, as long as I am standing safely on the divider. 

So I was standing there thinking about the lesson that was taught long back in school on how to cross roads. If  one strictly goes by the book and whatever it has to say then me thinks one has to pack one's breakfast,lunch and dinner along with some snacks and lots of water to cross a single road because this is what the book has to say. How to cross roads?. Even the traffic police of Chandigarh have the same 5 point scheme. Lets discuss in detail.

The first step always begins with "Look for a safe place/ zebra crossing to cross", What are you smokin Bro..

Next one is more absurd than the first one "Stand on the pavement away from the edge", Pave.. what!!! haven't heard of those

Then comes the part which, if taken literally, one will spend and entire day exercising their neck.  "Look left, look right for traffic"yeah keep looking and that's what you will be doing.

Then "Wait until it is safe to cross the road" and the waiting continues.

The final step "walk briskly to the other side of the road while watching out for traffic.

Although those steps are not incorrect, they are not practical for the contemporary world that we are living in and should be updated with the pointers from people who have successfully crossed roads everyday and lived to tell their stories.

So here is  A  Beginner's Comprehensively Definitive and Effectively  Functional Guide to Road Crossing, and you thought I have put those alphabets in the title just like that, didn't you???

1. Always stick to the herd, because it is a jungle out there and the predators can be put in check only by the strength of the number.

2. Never ever be on the right/left hand side of the group, because whenever a crazy driver decides not to slowdown it is the right/left most person who will be hit first. if you think that I am being insensitive, remember it is a jungle out there.

3. Look for an alpha male or a beta female and stay closer.The safest place is in the middle or beside  a horizontally unchallenged person which will result in cushioning the blow if there is any.

4. It also a good idea to walk beside tall people who are visible from longer distances for the vehicles approaching. They also tend to discourage the vehicles from getting closer, for the same reasons the hyena did not get closer to the kid with tree bark on his head in Gods must be crazy.

5.When starting to cross focus on the people next to you and  sync your steps with them, not one step ahead not one step behind. Never ever take your eyes off them to look at the traffic, never.

6. Maintain strong cohesiveness with the crowd while crossing the road, don't slow down or run ahead because, read pointer number 1.

Follow these rules and you will reach the other side of the road successfully. In the case that you are the only person crossing the road or the unfortunate horizontally unchallenged person like me who will eventually end up on the right side of the gathering there are different rules.

1. Try to see the bigger picture of the oncoming traffic, study the patterns and identify the gaps. There are several pointers on how to do that.

    a. Look out for anyone down the path crossing the road, which will create a considerable gap for you to get through. 

    b. Don't look out too far, because even if a gap is created, the vehicles will be accelerating to close the gap by the time you are anywhere near the gap and believe me they will not want to brake the speed to let you through.

2. Never ever start crossing in the close proximity of a large vehicle like a bus. If you try crossing before it reaches you, it will block your view and you might never know which crazy lunatic is trying to overtake it from the other side. In other words your view should be clear before crossing for the reason mentioned in pointer a

3. Don't cross the road immediately after the large vehicle has passed as you would not have had enough time to identify the gaps and the lunatics driving behind are always eager to get past the large vehicle and will never slow down.

4. Never try to cross when you are being approached by a homogeneous group of vehicles (same category of vehicles, two wheelers, three wheelers, four wheelers), rather it is a good idea to cross when being approached by a heterogeneous group of vehicles, reason being the relative speeds are different and often the slower moving vehicle cuts down the average speed of the group and is usually prone to  create a gap for you to safely cut through.

5. It is not enough to just find a gap, that is the first step, the next step is to give them a signal to slow down and that you are ready to cross by lifting your hand anywhere between 45 to 90 degrees from your body's axis towards the direction of the oncoming traffic. Although this will not cushion the impact if any, we will be on safer side because we have made our motive to cross the road very clear.

6. Cross the road in a slow, steady manner, no sudden movements and no going back and forth and always focus and sync with the vehicles approaching because, the lunatics inside the vehicles are trying to speed up or slow down based on your movements.  

7. If you believe in Star Wars try to stare deeply into the eyes of the drivers, trust me the weaker ones will comply and brake.If they don't, then you know that they are not weak, you are.

8. Take a break and relax once you have reached the divider and rejoice because whoever was taking cover beside you will face the brunt of identifying patterns and finding gaps and leading the herd to other side of the road safely from all the predators.

9. Additionally you can carry a long object that will create a safety perimeter around you with the diameter equivalent to the length of the object. This will work for all the vehicles except the larger ones.

Well there you are, a practical guide to safe road crossing and unlike the text books and traffic websites, i will update it with latest information. So don't get cross with crossing the road, just learn how to cross. 

I.F

I know, I know no posts for the past 40 days... Even this isn't going to be a regular post. The other day at office we were going to test a feature between our US office and Hyderabad office, that would replicate data between SANs using the internet. Although I made it sound a bit easy trust me it isn't and involves lot of complexity, I just simplified it for everybody to understand. For the perseverant types, it is, to put it in the words of the good immigration officer at the Washington D.C. airport to whom I have explained it as the purpose of my visit to US, "An advanced copy and paste".  I so much wanted to tell him that it isn't that simple, but I restrained myself so as to not piss him off and said... "You Got it !!!"

So we were going to test it and everybody was nervous on how it would turn out.  So I came up with a song that would cheer up everyone and will give us something to sing along while the replication is in progress. It is along the lines of "Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow".

Oh the thought itself is frightful

but the feature is so delightful

and since we have to test its fate

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

It doesn't show signs of stopping,

And I've brought some corn for popping,

it will finish soon at this rate

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

The speed is slowly dying

lets hope it will keep trying

please don’t go into suspended state

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

when the replication is finally done

the celebrations will begin

but till then we will wait

Replicate, Replicate, Replicate

That was fun even though the test turned out to be a real disaster. In case you are wondering what the title means..it means... Inactivity Filler

Last Day!!!

It is the last day of the week and the last day of the last month and as if that is not enough it is the last day of the year and as if even that is not good enough it is the last day of the decade. This is one such day when most people who don't have to worry about going to work next day so that they can feed themselves, stop worrying  and start celebrating the arrival of a new year.

Although it does not make any difference and it is going to be just another day tomorrow, it is often good to take a break from the mechanical routine that we go through the entire year , meet with friends and families to celebrate and reflect on the year that has been.

So here I am wishing anybody who is reading this post a very Happy New Year and would like to remind that  it is our life and it is up to us to make it the way we want it to be. I hope you will work your way through your life to make it better and happier. 

Let this day be the last day you will be subject to negative emotions and destroy your life based on them. Let this be the last day for all the hatred in your heart and start filling it with love and compassion. Let this be the last day for all the thoughtless actions that you have done and in the process hurt people. Let this be the last day you will frown and complain and start accepting life as it comes with a broad smile and open arms. Let this be the last day for all the worries and understand that life is too good to be wasting time on them.

Wait what am i doing.... I didn't plan to write all that... I don't even remember what I intended to write.. hmmm..  Well since i can't remember you are stuck with what I already wrote...yes I am talking to you , Have a Good Time

Everything is Illuminated

While we are talking about movies and entertaining ourselves I would like to mention the movie that entertained me to the core. I wrote that last sentence 20 days back and didn't get a chance to continue until today.
It was one of those movies where you know from the very beginning that you are in for some quality entertainment. The movie is based on a novel of the same title written by Jonathan Safron Foer
The movie had no major cast except for Elijah Wood playing the lead role of a young Jewish American and his endeavor to find the woman who saved his grand father from Nazis during World War II. He travels to Ukraine where he is accompanied by an eccentric native translator "Alex" who studied English at university and is "premium" in his knowledge of the language, along with his grumpy grand father who claims he is blind and his deranged seeing eye bitch named "Sammy Davis Jr Jr" after "Sammy Davis Jr".
Although one would consider it to be a very serious movie based on the plot there are ample doses of humour all the way as the movie progresses with Alex's narrative notable for its broken English and improper usage of synonyms and  that makes the movie thoroughly enjoyable.
The whole movie runs around these three people along with the dog and the strongest element of the movie is the dialogue that is carried out between them. Which means most of the movie contains close shots and as the camera is in your face all the time you can't get away with sloppy acting. The three play their roles with such finesse, one would not be able to make a difference between the role and the actor. There are no exaggerated emotions or senseless violence or forced humour, to sum it all no elements of a commercial entertainer and yet a great entertainer. A simple movie that is naturally beautiful and rich in dialogue with its subtle humour, that would leave you with a sense of elated happiness long after you have watched it. This one is definitely a master piece and I would watch it any time any day just to lift up my mood.
There is so much one could talk about the movie but it is best enjoyed when you watch it and by the time end credits roll, you will see that "Everything Is Illuminated".  

Of Movies and Entertainment

For those of you who did not notice, on the left hand side, now there is a copy right notice which says you are allowed to copy the content as long as you are willing to give credit to me. One might ask why? Well one of the readers felt that the content is good and people copying it should give me credit for my work. I, being a man who is always fair in considering the considerations of my readers, considered the consideration and put up that Copy Right thingy.
 Even after I mentioned I don't have anything against SRK there are people who got offended by my last post. So this one is a more detailed explanation on the last one. Did I ever mention that I am a movie fanatic. I watched a movie 4 times all alone bunking college on 4 consecutive days. That is how much I love the movies.  It is the best form of legal entertainment that a guy could get in 80s and 90s. There are a variety of movies of various genres that I watched ranging from comedy, war, historic, western, action, crime, thriller, noir, horror, independent you name it I watched it. I have my best movies in each of those genres. Movies gave my crippled imagination, wings to soar and fly.
Those were the days when movies were made for the sole purpose of entertaining the masses . Then came the movies that carried social messages that inspired the intellects, most of them flopped commercially because they failed to attract the masses. Then there were commercial movies  with a very subtle social message (usually the message shies away from showing itself, overshadowed by the commercial element). All these movies attracted me and I loved them all equally for what they were. 
I mean an action movie gave you lots of raw power and destruction, comedies were outright funny, horror movies showed horrors that would haunt you in the nights, thrillers thrilled you, serious movies made you think.
Then came the era of those movies that claim to be works of art or inspirational or message oriented, to put them in one word "master piece" but all they give is the routine run of the mill, mindless entertainment, now here, I have a problem. No my problem is not with mindless entertainment, i would prefer that any day and that is why I love "Om Shanti Om" for what it provides, mindless entertainment, with all the hindi movie cliches that can be pulled together into one movie. That is no easy job and I loved SRK in that movie. 
Now the problem is when people make these commercial entertainers and try to pass them as work of art or master piece grossly undermining the value of those terms. Movies like "Chak De India" although have a different theme, are still commercial entertainers for various reasons and can't be termed as a master piece. When someone tries to convince me otherwise, I get the same reaction one gets when undead people or zombies in a horror flick start doing an item dance for Madhuri Dixit's "Dhak Dhak karne laga". Again this is nothing against Madhuri I still think none of the bollywood babes dance as gracefully as she does.
All I am saying is that when you expect to eat biryani your mind  sets your senses  to eat biryani, the colour, the texture, the taste, the aroma and everything related to that. When you actually eat some crap that people try to pass as biryani (like that hotel in Coorg, where biryani tasted sweet and there was no meat) your mind would go ...What The Duck!! This is no biryani!!! 

Of Radios and Hockey Matches

Have you ever had a feeling that you are floating pleasantly..in the clouds, soaking the warm rays of sun.. in slow motion enjoying everything around and suddenly you are plummeted to the ground and slapped back to reality and your mind goes What the Duck!!!

I had the exact same feeling today morning while driving back home after my exercise routine. I was Chillaxing to the music of Guzarish, and the song being played was "Guzaarish Hai".  I was swinging and swaying and in general enjoying the slow tempo and well formed lyrics of the song, feeling all those wonderful feelings and that is when I hear a line totally out of sync with the mood and the flow of the song  and I wondered if it was written and composed by Anu Malik and it left me with that ugly feeling. It was as if the lyricist has run out of imagination by the time he reached that line and had to put some filler to finish it. I will not forgive him for that.

There was this other time when I was watching "Chak De India" (one of those movies where Sharukh doesn't bend backwards with his chest protruding,open arms, turning the head to a side, gives those dimple smiles, and the girl runs into him), during the world cup matches where the Jharkhand girl  "Soimoi Kerketa" doesn't know who to pass the ball and asks a senior player "Bindia Naik" to which the senior replies "Go and ask  your captain". I was like isn't she one of the best hockey player from her state and isn't that the reason she was chosen into the national team that would play for the world cup and has been trained to do so and she doesn't know who to pass the ball. I mean I see scenes in the movie where the coach,  Shahrukh Khan keeps juggling glasses, spoons, pens, sticks, virtually anything that he comes across obviously trying out different strategic moves, has he forgot to actually tell the team about those moves !!!.

Again in the same world cup matches the Punjab girl "Balbir Kaur" and the Jharkhand girl "Soimoi Kerketa" fail to understand the referee's warnings and these are the girls chosen for a national team to play for Hockey World Cup. Sign language and colour coded cards are used universally by the referees to overcome the language barrier and communicate effectively with all the players around the world. What was their coach Kabir Khan doing? Ohh right!! it is played by Sharukh Khan, and any role that he plays you see Sharukh Khan and the role itself shies away into the shades of his glorious personality. He was playing himself in coach Kabir Khan's role and was so busy being the "Gunda" of the team, shouting random dialogs, sending players out of the field and didn't realize that the games have referees and they follow some rules and guidelines and it is important for the team to learn them before going for the World Cup. Ohh my bad , it is the coach's responsibility and   Sharukh Khan was playing himself and not the coach's role so there you go, now wonder the players did not understand the referees.

It is matters like these that make these movies or songs fall short of what you would call a "Master Piece".

Now for those of you who would like to come back at me for criticizing Sharukh, trust me I was one of those people who sincerely wished that Sunny Deol should die and Juhi Chawla should fall in love with Sharukh in the movie Darr.

PS: On an unrelated note I hope Sanjay Leela Bhansali has enough sense not to send this film of his for Oscar nominations because the original film "The Sea Inside" has already won an academy award for "Best Foreign Language Film", and they would have second thoughts about giving the same award again to a copy of the film.

PSS: I just came to know that the director SLB is the music director too. No wonder, the genius of copy films ran out of imagination. I forgive you, we can't expect master pieces from you.