Fallen Angel

Gimme those wings
of wind and fire
let me those wheels
of burning desire
forge me a sword
of the strongest will
turn me into a machine
destined to kill

Get Over with it already

01:00 AM doesn't seem to be an odd time for writing this up. I have been postponing this for a while now and I said to myself enough is enough.
The big deal going around during the time I named this post was Rupee getting a symbol and all the hype around it. There is lot of appreciation for the symbol and there are many who are proud that now we have symbol and Rupee gets a place along with Dollar, Pound etc etc.
NO you dumb asses, just giving a symbol will not make a Rupee equivalent to others, it is the exchange rate that defines the place and when that day comes where the difference decreases drastically then you should be proud.
You are proud because now we have symbol for Rupee!!!
Its like an American Parent being proud of their kid for "Graduating" from Pre-School.
Seriously, Get Over With It Already.

Aimless Shit

People disgust me..., maybe I am being a cynic... maybe i am not thinking straight.. maybe I am depressed... but it still remains a fact. Someone said why break your head about something you can't help.. you can't change... that reminds me of the day when I said the same thing to my dad. I did not get a proper answer that day but today I have an answer. i am bothered because I am part of this fucking society. I am bothered that people put themselves first and have no concern for others and it is scary that some people think that is how it should be and that is the sign of development. I am not sure what kind of crappy philosophy that is and how much screwed up their minds have to be to think that way. There was a time when people were afraid to make mistakes, but now they make mistakes and blame others for it. Being rude and showing attitude have become a fashion statement. The standards for ethics and moral values have hit rock bottom. Every asshole is a good person these days, those who lie , those who cheat, those who are selfish and guess what there is no wrong in being selfish.. I have been told so... I am surrounded by this shallowness and it sickens my stomach all the time. I have been told I don't belong in this day and time that I live... maybe its not just me that doesn't belong in this day and time, it is this whole sickening population of so called human beings who are burdening this earth with their filth that don't belong in this day and time... They talk about dooms day and if it happens in my life time... and when entire population is scurrying to save themselves and screaming, I will be laughing myself to death....

Wisdom Shots !!!

This is collection of all the wisdom shots that I had since I arrived in USA

1. The more you get scared, the more it will scare you.
2. Never attend meetings, especially after you have traveled for 36 hours without much sleep.
3. Don't go for a Chinese buffet when you are not hungry.
4. Life is like a box of chocolates, sooner or later you will finish all those chocolates.
5. When life gives you lot of chocolates, distribute them all and go for a low fat, low calorie, high fiber Salad.
6. True Friends are like Chocolates, you can't have too many of them at the same time.
7. When others ask you for advice, they are not really looking for your opinion, they are looking for you to agree with their opinion.
8. A Generation later... folded news paper transforms into a laptop.
9. Life is like a box of chocolates, When I opened the box I found peanut butter cookies.
10. Reality is the ultimate illusion.
11. When it's sunny and warm in Colorado, don't forget to take your Rain Coat with you.
12. I have no complaints with death, it is life that is troubling me.

Conversations

I started this post as soon as I landed and almost a week later I am still updating this post. So I am sitting here in Denver International airport heading for Dallas. OK back to the post... Have you ever had a conversation that is too good to be true. Well I had ... in the most unlikely place.. 36000 feet above the ground crossing continents.
I could not get to do a online checkin of the flight traveling from Doha to Washington D.C. which happens to be a 14 hours flight. By the time i reached the airport the only aisle seat available was in the last row and all others were middle seats. So i had no option but to choose that seat.I was a bit tired by the time I boarded the flight and was looking forward to catch some sleep and some movies. One thing i was not ready is for a conversation, come on who talks to a stranger sitting beside you in a airplane for hours together.. not me.
Well this guy who sat beside me started by asking if i was from Mumbai, to which i replied i was from Hyderabad, and he said then you must be a software engineer, if you are from Mumbai then there is chance that you are an actor. He said he was a search and rescue pilot and explained his job profile and asked me about my job. He mentioned that he knew very less about India. we were quiet for some time and then it was meals time and he had some wine or scotch or both and then it all started.

He started telling that single malt scotch is the good quality one and it is all about enhancing and remembering the emotions and feelings rather than forgetting them. he was mentioning how scotch prepared at different places and different ways evokes different emotions. Then he turned on to wine and was telling how wine represents the place it was prepared and how drinking wine reminds you of the place it was prepared and he was telling all this in French and Espanol even after me protesting that I don't understand those languages.

Then he went on to computers and was telling how he use dot work on fortran and COBOL and i was like wait you were a search and rescue pilot. Well he also happens to be a second generation programmer. He was talking about how everybody is just trying to make things faster and nobody is thinking out of the box for innovative ideas. He proposed two business ideas which he mentioned that he had talked about in a conference back in 2000 and nobody understood them. he was talking all object oriented stuff but I should admit his ideas made me think.
Then he went on to talk about Indians and said it bothers him that most of us have become very mechanical despite our rich intellectual and spiritual heritage. I was like wait I thought you didn't knwo much about India. Then we went on discussing on what could be the problem and on the other hand I was dying to sleep. He moved on to talked about Yin and Yang and that he has a bit of both. Is there something that he doesn't know!!! Then we talked about karma philosophy, purpose of life and he turned the discussion towards me and asked what am I doing that i think is worthy in my life and asked me why I was doing whatever I was doing. My answers seem to satisfy him and he even admitted that I might be one of the smart people he has ever met, which was a relief after all that killing he did with all those questions.
The flight was 14 hours long and we talked for about 9 hours. Then i excused myself, slept for a while, watched a movie and we said goodbye to each other.

Coincidences...

Did i ever mention that whenever i get my car washed and waxed, it rains.. and it rains only so much so that dust settles well on the car and it looks like i have been to an off road rally by the time i reach home. It happened so many times that I started believing I am not in good terms with God and that was his way of saying Piss Off... well that is on the lighter side. I am full of these coincidences.
Recently I had to pickup a suitcase from someone traveling from US to India through Qatar airlines and had to drop the suitcase off when they were going back. I was thinking, man!! I came to the airport twice and its not to receive or sendoff someone I know, its not even a person, its just a suitcase and they were flying Qatar. I was actually thinking they must be bunch of cheapos for choosing that airlines. Like I said God has a weird way handling things when it comes to me... and if you have not guessed already... yesss I am flying the same airlines and to add an extra pinch of insult to my injury, I have a 6 hour waiting time at Washington airport before I can head to Denver, I will be reaching there midnight, then i have to go to hotel and check-in and get some sleep and go to the office in the morning. Thank You God... Thank You very much... I love you too....

I am back... Again!!!

Another gap and thousands of reasons after neglecting to write, I am back. I had lots of stuff to write but never picked myself up to do it. Lots of experiences in a short period of time and life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. If i think about it life has always been a roller coaster ride. The bottom line is am i enjoying the ride ?? Damn yes!! I am enjoying the ride.
I was having a small conversation with this incredible person that i met and mentioned that I will be leaving for US this weekend and the first thing he says is that, now he can expect to see a lot of writing because my pen moves well when i am abroad and i was wondering how true!! I keep thinking if all the responsibilities that I have and all the obligations are preventing me from writing, but deep down I know that the only thing that is preventing me is myself. But the good thing is I am back.
Lately I have learnt lots of stuff.. from the greatest teacher... experience. I realized that the more scared you are the more this world will scare you.

Wings of Time

Some one I know asked me this question. Why does it feel that time is flying by even when most of the time was spent in difficulties and struggles quite contrary to the saying that says time flies when you are happy . There is some one who complains that time is flying by. Personally I am happy when time is flying by except when i am sleeping.
When you think about it time seems to fly when you are too busy or having too much fun to take note of it. On the other hand time seems to drag when you have nothing to do or have to go through situations that you don't want to. Ever noticed how slow time moves when you are actually doing nothing else but observing it.
One can say that even when your life is one hectic mechanical routine, time seems to fly by. Maybe but not for long, initially one might enjoy the fruits of the hectic mechanical routine but sooner or later it will drain the life energy out of you. At some point you either break down or change your routine.
So if you feel that you have not noticed how time flew by then it essentially means that even after all the hardships you have been through all those years you still enjoyed the journey so far and you have enjoyed it so much that you didn't see time which was and is moving at the same pace it has ever been.
Finally if you are afraid that time is flying by, you are so much in love with your life that you are afraid it is going to end anytime ;)

To Do - Check list

Here is the list of things I would like to do

1. Wild Boar meat - well when i started writing this, it was the topmost to do, but now its done
2. Drive a tractor - Its lot of fun
3. Walk in Snow while it is snowing
4. Spend an evening on a beach watching sunset- i watched sunset from the top of a mountain near golden gate bridge, San Fransisco but we were driving crazily and running up the hill most of the time to get there in time to watch the sunset. All i want to do is watch the sunset while lazing on the sands of a beach
5. Long Drive to an unknown destination
6. Get lost in a dense forest amidst mountains and valleys- well this would be my last to do i guess because i may not survive to do anything else.
7. climb the highest peak of a mountain range and watch sunrise.

There are many more that i would want to do but i am limiting the list to more realistic ones that i might do some day.

We are like this only

Those were the days when owning a "Hero Ranger" bicycle was a prestige symbol and I was one of the proud owners. I don't know why but unlike others i don't like to modify the factory fit or try to improve the look and feel by installing add-ons or stickers. So it happened like this that i used to ride my bicycle everywhere and one of our college lecturers who newly started his own coaching center got labels printed with the details of his coaching center and stuck two of them on my bicycle without even consulting me which clearly pissed me off. I truly deeply hated him for what he did and waited patiently for revenge.
God answered my prayers in the form of a new scooter our lecturer has bought, which he was very proud of and used to clean it every chance he got. I shouldn't damage his vehicle because that wouldn't be right since he did not damage mine, the stickers just left an ugly mark so i had to do something similar. I looked for the weak spots and the spare tyre mounted behind the pillion seat and covered with a cover looked like a good candidate for revenge. So I made sure nobody was around and punched my pen into the cover and cut a straight line into the cover and left the scene.
I later reappeared at the crime scene when the lecturer was about to leave and sure enough he was there and it appeared like he already saw what happened and was cursing the person who was behind this. He might have even had a vague suspicion that it might have been me but i acted as an innocent by stander. Some other students acted a bit over smart by showing concern and smirking behind his back which he noticed and his suspicion shifted towards them. He was swearing that he would see the end of the person who did that, poor guy.
Anyway next during recess and lunch time i was chatting with different groups of students and at least 6 of them including two girls have confessed that it was their work and they even described how they did it. The lecturer was hated by most of the students and anyone who took credit for the damage would be a hero amongst others and being the good guy that I am, I let them have their share of lime light.
Well what else should I do, we are like this only.

Planerisms

I know there is no such word... I came up with the following observations when I was on a domestic flight recently.

1. No Matter how many times people fly, there are still some people who don't put their seats in straight up position or put on their seat belts for take off and landing unless the air hostess comes and asks you to do so.
2. There is always at least one jerk who keeps talking over the mobile phone even after listening to the announcement to switch off all the electronic equipment.
3. People stand up and open the luggage compartments as soon as the plane hits the ground even after repeated announcements not to unlock the seat belts until the plane came to a complete halt.
4. People rush towards the gate as soon as it is open for boarding the flight. Hey, guess what.. there are seats for everyone and nobody is going to occupy the seat assigned to you and you don't have to stand.
5. There is always at least one person in the flight who is over sized for the economy seats and if you aren't lucky that person will sit beside you.
   

Americanisms

This word was first introduced to me by my first American manager I worked with. From then, till date I came across many phrases that kept me wondering in general.

1.Rest Room

Why is a bath room / toilet called a Rest room. people are unlikely to rest there. I would rather prefer my couch or bed to rest on.

2. Guy

Almost anyone and anything can be called a guy. Once my onsite manager was pointing at a machine and asked me if i have updated the firmware on that guy to which i replied i never ever attempted to update the firmware on any guy or even girl for that matter.

3. Have a Good One

The first time I heard it i was completely bogged and a bit offended. Only later I realized that he meant Have a Good Day. Then I came to know taht this can be used in place of anything that started with "Have a Good" and ended with day or night or journey or dinner or whatever. lazy I tell you.. damn lazy

4. Sleep Tight

Now wtf is that even supposed to mean was my reaction when someone used it on me. Do you mean tight as in lying down stiff like a rod. Dude that is possible only when I am dead. No No don't even try to explain it.. Please no....

5. Play with it

I still remember the time when our director gave me some code and asked me to "play with it". I suppressed the urge to ask how the hell am i going to play with code as I would be treated as guy who can't see the "big picture". So i found some innovative ways to play with the code. Two days later he asks me if i got the code to work. I was like dude you should be clear about what you want me to do with it. I have been playing with it and we were having such fun and now you ask if i got it to work.

6. Sleep on it
Of all the americanisms this one caught me off guard. I don't get it and I don't want to get it. Again you should be clear about what you want. If you wanted me to think about it you should tell me so, but instead you say sleep on it so I totally kicked it out of my mind and had a good night's sleep and now you ask me if I have come up with a solution. How does one think if they fall asleep, how is sleeping equivalent to thinking. If I slept on something it would probably be all crumpled and out of shape if not crushed or suffocated to death

There are more.. many more that amuse me endlessly

What!!!

what do you call people who can't see... Blind
people who don't want to see...
people who refuse to see... to see the truth
who live in a room with a view...
of blurred reality...
distorted by the sinews of their own minds
and refuse to come out, what do you call those people
It is not the spoon that bends, it is your own mind... they say
Because there is no spoon... do they realize that truth!!
If majority of the people commit the same mistake,
does it cease to be a mistake
Is that the real essence of democracy
Then why do you say that,
why do you say that it is OK just because everybody does
If people belonging to your caste or community or religion or race commit a crime,
does it cease to be a crime
Is that even justifiable
Then why do you say that,
why do you say that it is OK
why do you think that any crime can be justified,
why does anyone think that crime can be justified
Is it arrogance, accumulated by shallow pride!!!
What is it that makes people think these thoughts
What is it???

Words

Its only words.. and words are all I have... lyrics of an old song.
Words are strong, they can stir emotions and feelings
Words are inspiring, they can move nations
Words are weapons, they can inflict wounds so deep that will take years together to heal.
Words are comforting for those in fear
Words are soothing for those in pain
Words are shallow, Words are inadequate...when you see the grief in the eyes of the parents who have lost their only child.

Lost....

I was walking all by myself thinking various thoughts in a dark, gloomy, deserted alley... It seemed so familiar yet very strange... it seems as if i have walked this path, again it seemed as if I have never been there before.

Not sure how long I have walked, but I have walked long enough to forget the purpose of the walk. I was beginning to feel a bit lost when all of a sudden I stumbled upon something or was it some one? I was not sure. I stooped down low, very low only to find a person thin to the bone, covered in rags, under nourished, probably left to die, accompanied by three dogs which are in equally pitiful state. I tried to ignore him like I have ignored people before but there was something in him that kept demanding my attention or was it just me.... I don't know.

I tried to talk with him for reasons beyond comprehension. I asked him... who he is and what is he doing there and why is he in such a state. He kept on talking and as if he was craving to be heard, he talked for what seemed to be like ages. It was as if I have heard it all before but never listened.

He said he was once very important and everybody looked up to him as an example. He used to live in spacious house in a prime locality. He had many friends, and was very popular. There were people who would give away everything for him, people who would die for him. He was a Star.

Then like all things that change over time his life changed too...Some people ignored him, conveniently, some thought he was not that important and some thought there were more important things to life and some are too busy to care. So he walked away he says... and his once well fed, thorough bred dogs followed him. He walked away until he was lost completely and is only seen briefly once in a blue moon by someone walking those dark, lonely alleys.

Sleepless Slumber

I am unable to sleep, don't know why...
I don't remember when was the last time I was unable to sleep, not after I became a father I guess.
So I thought I would catch up with some writing.
I finished the last two posts which were pending for long.
I still can't sleep.... I am tired though
This January I started dieting and exercising with a mission to reduce weight, at that time I was not sure how much I would reduce. After five months I reduced 23KG. If that doesn't sound too large... Here I go again.... I reduced over 50 pounds of weight in five months. Trust me it was not easy. It has been more than a month since I stopped the routine, I have to catch up with it before my weight catches up.
I have noticed that my writings have become more about stuff happening in my life, there is no wrong in it but this isn't my diary. This was meant for thoughts, ideas, giving wings to the need, the need for writing. So I am going to make a conscious effort of not posting stuff happening in my life.
Its 1AM and I feel like i can get up and go to work right away.....

What has the World come to

I didn't believe that I would hear such a thing. What I heard was supposed to make me feel good, but no, it didn't, those words slashed through me like a sword, I was hurt badly, deeply.

One evening going back from work, stopped at a bakery to buy some pastries. I was just randomly pointing at several varieties of pastries for the guy to pack. Meanwhile I observed a couple entering the bakery with a kid. The Dad asked the kid which pastry he would like and he was taking time to choose. I pointed at a pastry for the guy to pack, and it was last piece in its variety. As the guy was picking up the pastry, the kid said he wanted that. The Dad was trying to explain the kid that the pastry is already taken and he has to choose another one, and the kid was not happy about it.

I asked the guy who was packing, to give that pastry to the kid and asked him to pack something else. In the first place I was not too particular about the variety of the pastries and more than that I did not want to disappoint a kid, there was nothing too great about what I did, I thought anybody would do that.

The father was more happy and pleased with what I have done than the kid. He approached me and thanked me to which I said there was nothing to thank me. Then he said "No you don't understand, It has been three months since i came to this city and this is the first pleasant moment I had with the folks in this city. Thank You very much".

Should I be happy? Should I be glad? Should I be proud? It is a shame. Shame on all those who could not care enough for a fellow human.

Lonely Planet

and lonely me.... No I am not depressed, it occurred to me on one of the flights, while i was traveling crazily from one state to another in USA. I covered 5 states in 3 weeks trying to meet as many people as i can. On one of those flights while returning back to the place I worked, i was looking out of the window of the plane. It was already night and the cities were glowing far beneath, it was raining heavily at a far away place and the lightning appeared like a silver lining amidst the dark and dense clouds. Such a beautiful sight and when I turned my gaze inside the cabin it was mostly dark and everybody were asleep and it was as if the whole scenery was just made for me and me alone to appreciate. That was when I felt loneliness, amidst all the people, I was one among them, I was like every body else, but again totally different and totally isolated from everyone. Just like the planet, one among the many billions of heavenly bodies in the galaxy, yet so different, yet so lonely. Is this how it would have felt too, if it had a soul!!!!

Random Connecting Dots

Here we are again... never thought it would happen.. back in the country that denied me an entry thrice... Yes people we are in the US of A, the place where all this blogging started 5 years back.

Finally the people at the U.S. Embassy decided that i am not much of a threat they thought i would be and granted me a visa to their country. In my first visit i worked in San Jose, California. During that period i visited my cousin in Dallas and had to change flights at Denver International Airport and i liked the airport a lot and i kept telling people how much i loved that airport.

Fast Forward five years, our new client is based in Longmont about 53 miles from Denver and I landed at the same airport. Now if i were a Sharukh khan fan i would say

इतनी शिद्दत से मैंने तुम्हे पाने की कोशिश की है
कि हर जर्रे ने मुझे तुमसे मिलाने कि साजिश की है

So i am back at the airport i liked a lot and not just once, I visited it six times during my three week stay. Now for the creme, I visited Dallas again to meet my SIL and got out of the same gate, i got out the first time i visited A30, I still remember it dont knwo why.

The first time i visited US, from our office building one could see Marriott hotel on one side and Adobe office on other side. My SIL's husband was traveling on work to San Jose, he stayed in that Marriott and worked in the Adobe office.

Well....

La Vida es Perra

For those of you wondering what does the title mean....and didn't think of going to Google translator and checking it out for your self... it means Life is a Bitch.

Well i have received mixed responses when i put that as a status message in my gtalk. Some readily agreed, some said its complete shit, some tried to talk me out of it and some wanted to kn0w what is wrong with me. Well nothing is wrong with me, its just a perspective on life in general. You might be thinking what a stupid perspective... let me explain.

First you are born, naked, lonely,miserable, and hungry. If you are lucky enough you and your needs are taken care of by people around you. You are showered with love and affection and start bonding with the ones around you and with the ones that matter to you... and just when you think your life is perfect and it can't be better life will throw in situations that will make you feel miserable lonely desperate angry and all those shitty feelings. Then you put up with all the shit that life throws in your face, get over with them, find happiness then the cycle continues. After all that crap that you have been through does life make it any better for you, no. It starts making things worse, it takes away all the people you love, and you can't even complain because in the first place it has given you all those people. Then as time continues it makes you old, weak and sick and as if all that is not enough, one fine day it leaves you for good to die.

Now tell me isn't Life a Bitch??