Last Post

This is my last post for some time, I am not sure when i would start posting again. Got a call that my wife is being admitted into the hospital and mostly, tomorrow I will be a father. As of now i am in a state of calmness. Nothing seems bothering enough to break this trance. I always wanted a girl but i don't care anymore. There are people who would think that i would be pretty disappointed if it is not going to be a girl but it does not matter anymore. I already fell in love with this little one entering my life and i am eager to meet him/her.

And So It Begins...

Yesterday's scan revealed that the baby has turned head down, ready to travel down the birth canal. It got me into thinking if the baby is really ready to face this world.
Nine month's ago he/she(we don't know the sex yet) has traveled in the opposite direction along with millions of others inching their way to the womb.(Science Fact: A sperm travels about one third of an inch in an hour, a strenuous journey I bet) Out of the hundreds that have made it to the womb this one has successfully fertilized the egg passing the first test for survival. He/She started as a single cell organism and in nine months, developed limbs, brain, organs, senses and turned into a fully grown baby.(Science Fact: The weight of the original fertilized egg has increased six billion times! What a concept!). Its fascinatingly amazing to even think that nine months back i could not even see this one with my naked eye and now i will be holding him/her in my arms any day this month.

I have been flooded with questions all these nine months with people asking me how i felt. Honestly the only feeling i had is concern for the health of my wife and the little one growing inside. As the time approaches for me to meet the baby i am overwhelmed by a flood of emotions. I am worried, scared, happy, anxious, excited at the same time.

Lots of questions

Do I have what it takes to be a good father? i am not even sure what it takes to be a good father.
Will i raise him/her so that he/she can live with his/her head held up
Will i be successful in passing them the principles and values to live by, like they were passed on to me by my father.
Will i be able to teach him/her to be self dependent like my father taught me to be.
Will he/she be proud of me like i am proud of my father.
Will i be at least half a good father as my own father was.

I don't have answers, maybe the time will tell... It would have been great if my dad could be here to help me out through this stage. I would love, for him to be here to hold the baby like he held me when i was born.

The question i have now is Am I Ready? I don't know but i am sure i will be ready when i have to be ready

You can do anything... Seriously

So i was driving to office like every other day minding my own business and suddenly this car zapped past me. i found something written on the rear window so followed it closely. It is more of a hobby, i get nearer to vehicles if i find anything written and read it to see if it amuses me.
The writings on this car amused me so much that i almost missed the turn i should take to my office.

"Nothing is impossible and you can do anything you want
If you want success please call +919347831636"

I had to chase the car for a long time before i could get the number by heart. In the above sentence "success" was written in Telugu, i am sure the guy didn't know the spelling. If any of you losers reading this post want success, go ahead call.

I am going to definitely call when i am really bored and in need of some serious entertainment and for that i have framed some questions. No I am not going to put them here... maybe i will if i get answers

Masks

बहुरूपिये को रूप बदलने में देर नही लगती

The above sentence was from a film and when I first heard it I didn't know the meaning. All I knew was it was from a Raj Kapoor movie.

When i look back and into my life I realize that it could have been my dialogue, and not just mine. Most of my life, I have been hiding under masks and i have changed one too many. I was successful in making many people believe that the facade I put up is my original face, although the intention was not to fool and mislead people. It was more for self defense rather than harming others.

There were times when i wore masks to be accepted, to be avoided, to be mediocre, to make others feel better, to protect my feelings, to hide my intentions, to please others and many more. Then there were those times i wore masks to manipulate others, to hide my shallowness. I have changed masks so often and so many that at some point I lost track.

I hate my masks, i hate all of them
I don't like wearing one
my intentions don't matter
I don't like these games i play
and among those masks
in some lost dimension
lies my true self
waiting to be identified


Now i have reached a stage where i am not sure if I am wearing a mask or not. The masks i wear formed my identity.

Jai Ho

It fills my heart with joy and pride....
Indians at Oscars,
Indians winning Oscars,
I hope to see more of these going further and at this point of time all I have to say is "Jai Ho" to all who have worked towards making this happen

An Apple a Day

Did you know what did Edison do when he saw an apple fall from the tree? Nothing, he ate it. It was Newton who thought about gravity when he saw an apple falling from a tree. Got you didn't I ?

Anyway if you look at the world of fruits, apple is the only fruit with so many stories around it. There is even that saying "An apple a day keeps the doctor away". I am sure it was framed by apple seller's association.

Regular visitors to my blog know that i am on a diet. The dietitian gave me a lengthy list of vegetables, meat and fruits that i am supposed to avoid. We have apple in that list, i am not sure why. So i was thinking about the apple and since gravity has already been discovered , i had to discover something else.

The first ever known reference to apple was in the garden of Eden, when God advised Adam not to eat the fruit which was in turn conveyed to Eve. Now we don't know whether there was a communication gap between Adam and Eve and the message was not conveyed properly, or Eve was sowing the seeds of feminism by refusing to take orders from a man in fact the only man around. We just know that Eve was lured by Satan in the form of a snake to eat the apple and she gave in to temptation. Then she tempted Adam to eat the fruit and since he did not want to displease her, the only woman around, and being such a sucker, ate the fruit and all hell broke loose. (Feminists reading this post, no offense intended)

This whole episode got me into thinking, why apple amongst all the fruits in the garden of Eden? Why not orange or some other fruit? Why is it in the garden if no one is supposed to eat? Why is gaining knowledge bad? lots of questions. After putting a lot of thought into it, it occurred to me that, maybe its not about eating the forbidden fruit of knowledge, maybe it is something else.

If we consider the scenario before eating the fruit, Adam and Eve were just wandering around happily in the garden, oblivious to the fact they are naked. On second thoughts one can't say they were happy, they were ignorant, ignorant of everything and like they say "ignorance is bliss". So we can say, they were in a state of bliss. Then God chose the most appealing fruit, red in colour and shining and told them not to eat. He could have chosen anything less appealing, because he was the one who created the garden of Eden so he could have put knowledge anywhere else. He didn't have to put knowledge in the fruit, he could have put something else, but he didn't want to make it easy for them because he had to see if they can resist the desire , the temptation, more than eating the fruit of knowledge it is this vice that he wanted to test.

It was a carefully thought and well crafted plan. The fruit was meant to be eaten, the rule was meant to be broken and Adam and Eve were meant to be sent to the earth, but if he banishes them to Earth they will not survive unless they have "knowledge", so he had to put knowledge in the forbidden fruit.

So there you go, the fruit was not forbidden because of the knowledge it contained, but on the other hand the knowledge was put in there to enable Adam and Eve to survive if they failed to resist temptation, the deadliest vice.

Bloopers

I love to watch bloopers and movie mistakes and used to wonder how come i never observed those mistakes when i was watching a movie. However hard i tried i could never catch any mistakes.

Finally i caught one. It was a very cleverly edited advertisement of Tata Sky + where amir khan keeps ranting about the importance of wives and their preference to watch serials when asked by a friend to ask his wife to stop watching the serial so that they can watch women's singles tennis match.

If you watch carefully, in the first shot there is a glass of orange juice in front of amir khan. The glass is ordinary and cylindrical from top to bottom. In the last shot where the wife is talking about the features of Tata Sky + and amir kahn and his friend are shown in backdrop, you can still see the glass of orange juice but the glass automatically transformed into a wine glass. YAY to me.

Make a Difference

Everybody is talking about saving the forests, global warming, conserving energy etc etc. Even I talk about them, but i own a SUV. Now you know where this is going.
So it happened like this that one news channel thought that some one has to do something about saving the planet. It aired a 24 hour non-stop Green Marathon programme that hosted several people giving their valuable tips on how to conserve electricity, water, nature reduce pollution, population etc etc. Again nothing was done except for talking.

I could have given them a better idea than that for free only if they would have asked me. The idea is to shutdown their news channel for 24 hours.

• It would conserve electricity as all the offices of the news channel are shut down.

• It would have conserved a lot of water that all the people in the office would consume.

This is the point where a "smart cookie" would think of saying "oh come on, those people will consume water at their respective homes anyway". So this explanation below is for that "smart cookie". There are lots of people who don't bother to take a bathe if they don't have to go out. People don't go to the bathroom for washing their face after entering or before leaving office. People at home consume much less water than people at office basically due to the facts that they don't have to bother about it being over or paying for the water they use. Enough explanation

• It would have reduced both air and noise pollution because the people are not commuting.

• It would have conserved nature because the Air Conditioners are shut down and all the paper that is consumed in one day is conserved and trees are saved.

There you go, but it would have an adverse effect on reducing population as the otherwise busy people, sitting idle in their respective homes might get ideas.

Now I would like to dedicate this post to the actor/ nature conservationalist Afthab Sihvdasani for his most incredible tip on what he does and begs us to do for conserving nature. During his bathe, he turns off the shower while applying soap. Now if you plan to do so too or even think of doing so, this post is dedicated to you too. Adding to it he says that it is these small things that make the difference. Hmm i guess selling off his sports bike and sports car wouldn't make much difference.

Some fan of this actor might want to come back at me saying "How dare you piece of fecal matter, you have no right to talk about him while you own a SUV". Well agreed, but i already turn off the shower while applying soap and even skip taking bath when i don't have to go out.

Nothing

It has been some time. At times i would open the editor feeling the need, the need for writing something and instead of writing i just sit there staring blankly, just like the state of my mind, completely blank. Nothing is happening inside my brain. I look around, read papers, books, magazines, blogs listen to FM, watch TV but nothing. It is as if nothing worthy is happening around that would motivate me to express.

I have a lengthy list of blogs that i searched and found interesting, but even those are not being updated often. It all started (searching blogs) when i came across an article about blogs and in particular, about a an Indian blog that receives most number of hits. That is how i found eM. After that it was just checking out her blogger list and then the blogger list of the blogger in eM's blogger list and so on. Hmm how about writing what i think about each blogger in my list, that would be good. Anyway, thanks eM.

OK, getting back to the point which is "Nothing", I have been in this state of nothingness for some time and i desperately wanted to get out of it and that is the reason why I started writing this one.

I read somewhere, something along the lines of "Happy people seldom achieve anything great". How true!! If somebody is content with themselves and everything happening around, they would not put any efforts towards anything. I wouldn't.

That made me think if i was happy and maybe that was the reason "Nothing" is provoking any thoughts or feelings or ideas. If that is so, then i don't want to be happy, i would be very unhappy to be happy.

A long walk

"Little does it matter to me", he thought and started walking.
His feet were moving swiftly,
and body started to sweat.
His eyes were fixed on the scene ahead,
while a familiar noise grazed in his head.

He walked for 10 and then 20
and even half-an-hour
He increased his pace
and started to run,
but failed to cover any ground
The scene , the place, and everything else
remained the same and the same noise
still playing in his head.

All of sudden the noise stopped
everything came to a halt,
his legs tripped and
he almost fell flat on his face
Shaken by the turn of events
he slowly turned around
walked towards his cycle
mounted it, started pedaling
and thought "Damn!! these power cuts" .

Mkan's A Series of Depressing Events or Help Me God, I am Die(t)ing!!

It all started about 12 years back.
Those were the times i never had to bother about eating stuff and putting on weight.
Those were the times, when the instructor in the gym used to set me as an example on how to maintain fitness.
Those were the times, when i could fit perfectly into any kind of dress.
Those were the times, when i could skip for 20 minutes and do 120 push ups.

Times have changed now.
Apart from getting old i have also added lots of mass over the past 12 years.
One of the reasons being not keeping up my strict exercise routine.
I watched myself as the waist size of my trousers kept on increasing but didn't do much to keep it under control.

The past two years were the worst as i grew out of all the available sizes in all the brands. The only brand that i can get myself into is "ALL" (A Little Larger).

It has come to the point where i started avoiding shopping malls because the whole experience of looking at all the stuff there and realizing that i can't fit into them depressed me to the core. It's like all your favourite food is available but you can't eat them, you just have to watch and go on.

It is not just with clothes, there were lots of other things that i would like to do but cannot do. These lead to more depression. I have tried to get back into my exercise routine but never could continue it for long thanks to my lifestyle and laziness.

All these depressing events called for desperate measures and i had to go consult a doctor. Now the doctor put me on a strict diet and exercise routine which i have to follow if i really want to get back into shape and he will be monitoring my progress every week. Since all my other attempts failed and burdened by my weight and the resultant depression i agreed to it.

Third week into the routine......

I still don't fit into the clothes at the shopping malls which is depressing (of course i can't expect to), now i can't even eat my favourite food.

So now its not just the shopping malls that depress me, going to a super market, the sight of my favourite restaurants or even the ads that advertise food depress me. All these depressions are frustrating.

All that i am allowed to eat leaves my mouth tasteless and the quantities i eat leave me hungry. I did not give in to temptation yet. The other day i was offered a samosa and a sweet and my brain waged a war with my conscience, finally my conscience won, it was the most difficult thing.

Did you ever experience words biting you back? Well that always happens to me.

When i was asked to diet earlier, my reply used to be "If one cannot even eat what one wants to eat, there is no point in living ".

When i was asked why i never touch green salad or even vegetables, my reply used to be "just because a lion is hungry, it does not mean that it will eat grass ".

Now all i am allowed to eat is green salad and vegetables.

OK, come bite me and bite me hard.

Amongst all these the only comfort i have is the subway food that i am allowed to eat, that too without the mayo.

Slowly i hope to get out of each depression and be myself again.

Misty Mystique

All captured with my Nokia N72 (which is now resting in mobile phone heaven) while on a road trip.

You Will Regret

I was trying to pay my electricity bill online the other day. Now i belong to IT industry and being a lazy person, I take advantage of anything that will not result in moving myself physically. So pretty much everything that can be done sitting at my desk, I do. That includes transferring money, paying credit card bills, paying utility bills etc etc.
The government of A.P. has thankfully launched a website where you could register and pay your utility bills including electricity bills, telephone bills, water bills, property taxes. Earlier it used to be standing for hours together (although realistically it used to take about half an hour) at the respective department offices in long queues waiting for your turn to pay the bill only to be asked by the jerk at the counter to go and get exact denomination. So i have been taking advantage of this facility for a couple of years.
Last time when i logged in to pay my electricity bill something came up and usually i would be pissed off but the error message they displayed made my day. Please click on the image for a larger view and read the circled message and if you did not laugh you will regret.

Points to ponder

I had the privilege of talking to a learned gentleman couple of days ago and he gave me something to ponder and pass on to others like they were passed on to him.


1. Everybody is selfish on one level or another

I contemplated a lot and tried to argue
I thought it is a more generalized statement and there always have been exceptions to that. My conscience argued, nobody is an exception. There are people who are known for their selfless acts but were they always selfless to the core, I don't think so. Although at some degree the selfishness is not visible or it is so negligible that it does not affect anyone in a negative way. I could give a lot of explanations but that is not the point of posting it. It is up to each and every individual to derive a conclusion for themselves.


2. Love descends, it does not ascend

This is something that i failed to understand until the context was explained. What the gentleman meant was that the amount of love and affection one shows to his/her parents is negligible when compared to the love and affection showered on his/her children. The simple point he stated is that when things go wrong you would always count how much you have done to make your parents happy but you would never do that to your kids. I had nothing to argue against it. It is a universal fact and if somebody is in a mood to debate against it i am game for it.

Happiness

Happiness is, your four year old niece calling from US and telling that she saw you in her sleep.

Office Humour

Read this before going further.
More excerpts from the mails of the people I tolerate on a daily basis. I swear i did not change a single letter.

1.

Dear Colleagues,

The following people were attending the Tele Conference from X and K is going to moderate the total Discussion.

If you did not get the glitch in that statement please leave your contact details, i will make it a point to make fun of you personally.

2.
Please go ahead and place the order for 4 chairs. Give two chairs for the Dev. team and the other two will take care the new joinee’s

I am appalled

3.
General leave should be availed for not more than 3 consecutive working days. Any 3 consecutive leaves shall be availed either before or after the vacation or weekend but not on both the ends.

Both the ends? This could have been one of those What The Duck moments if i was not laughing my "posterior" off, when i read that mail. For those who did not get it they don't want us to take 3 consecutive leaves such that there is a holiday or weekend in between like Thursday, Friday and Monday with the weekend in between. Now go laugh your "posterior" off.

4.
All the Security Staff,
On a random check it was observed that there are some items identified to be as CD’s/DVD’s, USB’s are been commuted in and out of the office.

It was strictly prohibited and you are requested to monitor them continuously. To protect and safe guard the Information you have to make thorough checks and the prime responsibility lies on you in protecting them. I too was no exception to do your Job.


Dear Colleagues: To keep and maintain the highest standards of Information Security and integrity, I request all of you to cooperate with the security in discharging their duties. This is an effort not to humiliate or under privilege any body but to make strong security practices and protect the Organizations interests and integrity.

I hope all of you will take the message in the right spirit.

P: Make sure the message gets communicated to all the Security Staff.

Forget the usage of words, forget the grammar the Security Staff don't have an Email ID. It is evident in the last line where "P" is asked to convey the message to the security staff.

The next point worth noting is maintaining "Highest Standards of Information Security" by checking bags, pockets and lunch boxes.

If you did not laugh yet and wondering "now whats wrong with that!!" then maybe you should consider becoming a Director of a software company.

Again if found that I posted these, I could be fired. Since there are only a handful that visit my blog, I am safe.

What Dreams May Come

I love to sleep a lot and usually I don't dream, or rather I don't remember what I dream.
However there are these two dreams that keep repeating so many times in my life till now that i remember even the minute details about those dreams.

1. There is this train and i keep missing it every single time, although i never missed a bus or a train or a flight.

Every time the situation is different, a different station, a different location, at times i am alone and at times i am accompanied by friends or family members. There were times when the stations and locations were not imaginary. With all these differences the dream was always the same, missing the train.

At times i am late , at times i am in the train but got down for something or someone and at times i jump off the train as someone with me could not get into the train, there was this time when we i was on one platform but the train arrived on a different platform. The final result is the same every time, i miss the train. There were times when i even chased the train

I still remember the one time that i caught the train, I climbed the engine. I dreamt that i missed my flight couple of times. Train or flight the outcome is the same, i miss my transportation. It has been a long time since that dream repeated, I miss my Dream Train.

2. Exams, i was never afraid of exams, being more or less in the top five of the class and with the sincerity and dedication that i used to attend all the classes, i was always prepared for exams.

There is this exam, i have not prepared and it is already the day of the exam. This dream repeated itself with such intensity and reality quotient that once i woke up startled all covered in sweat, i switched on the light and checked the date only to realize that i finished my exams couple of days back.

It was a different exam every time, i still remember some English, Hindi, Statistics. At times i was prepared for a different exam and it used be a different one, at times it was already the time for exam, my mom was waking me up, i wake up and realize i didn't prepare for it. This dream repeated even a couple of months back.

When it comes to nightmares i seldom have nightmares, there are these two nightmares that i remember. Both the times it was as if somebody was holding me down although i could not see anyone, i was unable to move and i couldn't even shout. Both the times i got up and realized that i was still unable to move and when i tried to shout all that came out was air. Next moment everything was back to normal. Weird I know.

Some random moments of my life

Congratulations to everybody who survived 2008 and All the Best to you all as you step into 2009. Ok, i am being cynic... Happy New Year Everybody

I am feeling nostalgic these days so why don't we go back into my memory lane and pickup some excerpts.

I was born in the beginning of the last quarter of 20th century, that makes me..... OLD

I would have been lost forever when a girl in my kindergarten class took me to her house for playing, if not for my mom who threatened the gatekeeper of my school that she would kill him if he did not find me before it got dark.Thankfully the gatekeeper saw me going with the girl and he also knew the house of that girl.

I was a shy kid and girls used to boss over me and made me play house with them although i wanted to go out and play with other guy kids.

I have changed 7 schools in 12 years of my education. The maximum time i stayed in a school was 3 years. That might be one of the reasons i did not make some long lasting friendships during that time. I even studied my Intermediate (plus 2), graduation, and post graduation in two different colleges each. I think that is a record.

My first crush was when I was 16 years old, it would have worked out well only if i had the guts to go to the girl and talk.

I was crazy about playing cricket and that is the reason i could not get a rank in the Common Entrance Test to become an Engineer that my parents always wanted me to become. I could not become a cricketer either because i stopped playing cricket after that. However I have become a Software Engineer which more or less satisfied my parents.

When i was in my school me and couple of my friends went to this place where they sold the applications for "National Talent Search Examination". Not that i had any talent, but because it gave an opportunity to go somewhere i have never been before. It was a huge house which was partially converted into a school. After 6 years during graduation one of my close friends took me to his house and DejaVu. I have been visiting that house for the past 14 years.

I lost my best friend to cancer during my post graduation. I will write about her some other time.

The reason i landed in my current job is due to my addiction towards computer games.

I have been working in the same company for the past five and half years. I think this compensates for all the school shifting i did.

Land of the living dead

I drag my life today just like any other day,
emptiness numbing my soul while feelings drift away
trying my best to express but words defeat me,
sentences fail to agree and thoughts evade me
shallow souls disgust me and make me want to scream,
wake up, wake up you morons from your dirty selfish dream
You can't see me suffering, you can't hear me wail,
you can't feel my pain, in your pursuit to prevail
Are you even aware that you are the living dead,
digging graves for others, in your greed to stay ahead
conscience buried deep under your bones and turgid skins,
you have committed much more than the seven deadly sins
filling air with bitter stench and land with rotting filth,
dumping toxic waste in water and no trace of guilt
now my anger seeks vengeance and rages storms of fire,
will scorch you all to ashes and it will then retire

*****************************************************
I had to vent it out. At times one feels like damning the humankind to hell and give the rest of the world a chance to survive. No i am not depressed

Then

I wake up
I exist
I sleep
then I repeat

I fight
I win
I survive
then I retreat

I erupt
I complain
I shout
then I contemplate

I love
I nourish
I cherish
then I exterminate

I differ
I hate
I destroy
then I recreate


***************************************

Just some random ramblings