The things I do

This is something I did to one of my poor unsuspecting niece, I think I will never hear from her again
I am mean , NO??

The things I say

or rather the things I said...not all are my original creations.
 

• Karma Cafe Doesn't have a menu, it serves what you deserve!!!
• Independence is a myth!!
• The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few, or the one!!!
• If I could, I would!! But I can't, So I shan't!!!
• Bird gone, snake come!!!
• Dresses don't make you look fat, you look fat because.... you are fat!!!!
• Is it time to build pyramids and spaceships yet!!!!
• Adverb: A verb that is used in too many Ads!!!
• Pronoun : A noun that lost it's amateur status!!!
• They are awarding military ranks to cricket players, what next!!! Awarding Param Veera Chakra to the guy who marries Rakhi Sawant!!!
• The day will pass.... just close your eyes, breathe deeply, don't make any movements and the day will pass....
• You know what they say about alcohol numbing your senses and destroying brain cells...
• Thought of the Day!!! I am still thinking!!
• It's funny when people say they are busy, no they are not busy, they are just busy to talk with the likes of you!!!  
• Men are like nerves, Women are like muscles!!!
• Correlation does not imply Causation!!!
• Inner peace!!! I need to find my Inner peace!!!!.. I think I will just get some coffee
• If you are "Randomly Selected" for additional screening 99% of the time at airport security, then there is a possibility that the "Selection" is not "Random"!!!
• A normal, functional life has become a privilege I can't afford anymore!!!
• Life is like a multiple choice question, sometimes the choices confuse you, not the question itself
• Dentists!!! We can use them better for interrogating tough cookies
• The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!!!!
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!!!
• The dentists asks "This is going to hurt a bit, is that OK?" like I have a choice!!! It's like the executioner asking the man to be hanged, "This is going to break your neck , is that OK?"
• Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them!!!
• I'm leaving now to go find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!!!
• Everybody is entitled to be stupid at one time or other, but some people abuse the privilege!!!
• Google must be a woman, It knows everything!!!
• Sometimes your whole life boils down to one one insane move... I am yet to make that move!!!
• Its official!!! my wife can go shopping even in a medical store, now somebody beat that!!!
• Point to Ponder: Noah's Ark was built by Amateurs, Titanic was built by Professionals...
• Too much rest is very tiring...
• Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them
• If you're good at something, never do it for free
• After all is said and done, more is said than done!!!
• My wife always spells Husband as Hus-Bend, I used to wonder why!! i don't anymore!!!
• We don't see things as they are... we see them as we are....
• Which is worse? Ignorance or Apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
• When everything is coming your way... you probably are in the wrong lane
• Says, Confucius!!! since you have asked here is one in your honour, "A day without sunshine is like.... you know.... Night"
• You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough...
• Life is a bleach and then you dye!!!
• All choices are not compromises, but every compromise is a choice...
• I think the pointers that connect a name to face are broken in my brain
• True Friends are like Chocolates, you can't have too many of them at the same time
•  When life gives you lot of chocolates, distribute them all and go for a low fat, low calorie, high fibre Salad
• Life is like a box of chocolates, when I opened it tonight, I found a yummy pizza thanks to a very dear and close one, actually two....
• Life is like a box of chocolates... Don't open it if you are afraid of cavities
• Life is like a box of chocolates, when i opened it I found granola bars!!!
• Life is like a box of chocolates, at some point or other, you will finish all the chocolates
• Life is like a box of chocolates, When I opened the box I found peanut butter cookies
•  Life is like a... Roller Coaster Ride and you thought I would say Box of Chocolates didn't you!!!
• Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
• My father used to carry a news paper, I carry a laptop...  
•  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was, convincing the world he didn't exist.
• We don't tear the the screen because the movie was bad, do we!!
  We don't throw away bread because there is mold on it, do we!!
• When I talk.. simply vibrating No!!!
• When you can't laugh on the same joke again and again, why do you keep crying over the same thing again and again!!!
• The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and no matter how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!
• Don't EXPECT Miracles, BELIEVE in them!!!
• I am in an ethical pickle....
• Everything in life is a miracle, that's for certain.
  Some are just not the kind of miracles one hopes to see...
• The more I read, the less I Know
• I don't do something doesn't mean I Can't do!!!
• I have no complaints with death, it is life that is troubling me ;)
• Reality is the ultimate illusion...
• When others ask you for advice, they are not really looking for your opinion, they are looking for you to agree with their opinion                                                              
• No matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter who you meet, at the end of the day you gotta be home,... and I am going home
•  The problem with being fair is that the world isn't....

Technology for Dummies

Technology is a funny thingamajig. Through every technology breakthrough man has gained an edge or advantage over other species or elements of nature, or so he thought. The early Homo Habilis who used tools for hunting, or the Homo Sapien  who built fire to protect himself from dangers of nature during Paleolithic period of Cenozoic era, might have not thunk that they achieved a technological breakthrough but in fact these are the milestones that defined the rest of human evolution. There are people who get all bent out of shape about how technological advancements have helped mankind reach the pinnacle of evolution and placed us at the top of food chain etc., etc., but as usual we agree to disagree.

There are technologies that enabled/aided humans to achieve excellence, like airplane, traveling around the world is faster, easier (not considering the security checks at the airports), efficient. In the beginning, it was limited to people who had to have the right amount of aptitude and attitude to learn the proper use of technology.and usually it involved a considerable amount of effort. Needless to say, people who did not qualify, could not use it and people who considered it a complicated effort stayed away from using it.

These technologies lacked business viability in the sense that they did not appeal to the masses. Clearly the standards for usage of technology have to be set lower and lower for it to appeal to the masses, so that they sell huge quantities and earn obscene profits. This is where you throw your hands up in the air, roll your eyes, turn your head sideways in disbelief and accuse me of discriminating. Let me explain.

Driving - Over the years, technology breakthroughs in automobile industry, like power steering, power brakes, Auto Shift, ABS with EBD, cruise control, roll over mitigation, made it a lot easier and enabled people to drive cars who otherwise would have stayed away from driving. I have three accounts of stupid accidents that could have been avoided if the cars that involved in the accidents had manual shift instead of an auto shift. I will mention just one and for my own safety sake, the driver's name and the gender of the driver will not be mentioned. 

The driver has pulled the car into the parking lot and the car came to a complete stop. Then the driver noticed that it was not parked properly between the lines. To increase visibility, the driver pulled the seat forward, which in turn moved the driver's body in the forward direction, which sent a chain reaction to the foot which was happily resting on the accelerator ("gas pedal" as they would call it), and the foot pinned the accelerator to the floor, and the power of the engine enabled the car to jump over the divider, climb uphill, and crashed into a tree. Again, thanks to technological breakthroughs like seat belt and airbags, the driver survived, but the car did not.

An advertisement of Mercedes Benz features a certain big shot of a certain firm talking about how he was driving and did not see the traffic before him coming to a halt, but his car sensed it and stopped automagically without the driver's involvement. While others think, "WOW What an amazing technology!!!" my mind thinks, "WOW What a moron!!!". In fact I think the tag line of that advertisement should be " Mercedes Benz, enabling morons to drive cars and live to tell their stories since 1926".

I shudder at the thought of technology invented by humans getting more smarter than the humans who use it, while others are amazed by it. The technology gets smarter and smarter, enabling people to make least use of their brains, making them dumber and before you know it, The Terminator is sent from the future to kill Sarah Connor.

 

TGIF

There are things I don't like on a Saturday morning, as soon as I wake up, especially when they are linked, like in the list below

1. Hearing news that wife's grand mother passed away

2. which meant Impromptu travel

3. to a village

4. with no internet and long power cuts

5. or western amenities for attending nature calls of the second kind

6. in mid summer when temperatures are soaring at 46C

The result is you end up going to the funeral of your FIL's mother, a lady with whom you have not quite established a "functional relationship" owing to multiple circumstantial constraints which are not on agenda for this post. Now don't get me wrong, I have utmost respect for the elderly, the departed and the elderly that departed. My FIL has four daughters and I married the third one. In any ordinary circumstance my presence over there wouldn't be noticed but in this particular case, where all the other three daughters are settled in US and I being the only RI son-in-law, and that place being a village, everybody who isn't anybody would ask "where are your daughter (Number 3) and son-in-law (Number 3)?". So half owing to the respect for the departed and half owing to the obligation of being present, we set out on this journey.

I can't write everything that happened there, but here are the highlights.

1. Do you know how it feels when fire is set all around and the hot air from it is blown all over you? I do.

2. I saw people everywhere but recognize only a couple. I spent most of the time trying to be around those couple of people.

3. The average conversation with the people I knew lasted... 2 minutes.

4. There are people who came and asked me if I can guess who they are. I resisted saying " Oh I love this game, but you have to tell me if its one word or two words!!!!"

5. Then I got introduced to a lot of people and I still don't have a clue.

6. Everybody who met me wanted to know What I did for a living.

7.I tried to explain my line of work to a bunch of them and their reaction even before I went into details was "Ohh Software aaa!!!. Never was I more embarrassed to mention my line of work.

8.The next question "Why aren't you in America, like other son-in-laws?", before I could answer, some NRI parents (parents of NRIs), debated among themselves, came to a conclusion and recommended that I "talk" with their kids in US, so that they can see if I too can get a "Chance". Did I already type, how I was never more embarrassed to mention my line of work, cut it from there and paste it here. 

9. Then somehow I was made responsible (not just me, the IT industry which I am part of) for the hike in prices, high cost of living, change in lifestyle, increase in divorce rates etc etc. Some people got to live that day because, killing is illegal. and I am taught to respect elders.

10. I got to sleep in somebody's house that has air conditioning. As soon as I fell asleep, the power went off and only returned the next morning.

11. We left the following day only to return for the 11th day ceremony.

12.Only this time the fire was set under you and you get the feeling of slowly turning into tandoori chicken.

13. About 2000 people attended the lunch that is given.

14. While I was eating, the sun positioned himself such that you could make a freaking omlette on by back.

Now you must be wondering how does the title fit into this entire story. That is for you to figure out.

Why So Serious!!!

I keep hearing about "people" wondering and often getting offended by the fact that Indians don't respond to their greetings or don't return their smiles. Let me be more specific, when I typed "people", I meant "NRIs" who have spent some 20 odd years in India, been in US for about 5 years or more and have either returned or on a visit. Here is my take on it.

1. When you have spent majority of your life here in India, it shouldn't be a surprise to you that Indians don't respond the way you expect them to respond.

2. Just because you are outside the country for some time and learnt some courtesies and manners, things don't change back here. We are like this only!!!

3.This is same even with the Indians in US too, there have been instances when my existence was not even acknowledged  when I tried to smile or wish them.You can take an Indian out of India but you can't take India out of an Indian.

4.Finally, in those years that you spent in India while you were growing up did you ever respond to strangers smiling at you or wishing you? Really???

Now I am fine with foreigners wondering or getting offended when Indians don't respond to their greetings or smiles and feel obliged to explain couple of things, draw some comparisions and give them a different perspective.

First, some vital statistics...

United States of America

Area : 98,26,675 Square Kilometers

Population : 31,35,94,000

Density : 33 people per Square Kilometer

India

Area : 32,87,263 Square Kilometers

Population : 1,21,01,93,422

Density : 369 people per Square Kilometer

1. If your response to the statistics above is among the lines of "Holy Mary Mother of Jesus!!!", I will assume, I have made a good start.

2. India is one third the size and 4 times more in population in comparision with USA.

3. Effectively, with the density of 33 per square kilometer one would be happy to see another human being in USA, whereas with the density of 369 per square kilometer one would be happy not to see another human being in India.

Example: Eating 2 slices of double cheese, all meat pizza is delightful and satisfies your hunger whereas eating about 10 slices of the same pizza will give you acidity, indigestion and constipation. 

4. In USA, with the kind of unique lifestyle, people are alone most of the time and would want to be greeted or smiled at, whereas in India  Everybody involves in Everybody Else's life all the time, resulting in people getting suffocated and would want to be left alone.

5. It is not entirely true that we don't smile or greet anyone, we do that with our family, friends, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues which will be equivalent to the population of a small town in USA.

So, next time when you visit India, instead of wondering "Why So Serious!!!", please realize the above facts, eat  Biryani, take pictures of Taj Mahal and leave happily ever after.....

Fix It!!!

One thing I thought I would never post is anything related to cricket. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate cricket, I was crazy about cricket to the extent of losing my engineering seat in the entrance exam. But those were different times when cricket was a game. I can tell all about how things have changed and all that but we digress.

The focus of our topic is the news that is making rounds, "Match Fixing in IPL".

The authorities, media and cricket fans are shocked about the news, the same way politicians are shocked about corruption in politics, or people visiting Las Vegas are shocked by the gambling in the casinos. I for one, agree to disagree based on some facts.

FACT1: The players are bought by different  team owners  by bidding on them in an auction based on their capabilities and the highest bidder gets to own the player. The more money you have, the more capable players can be bought and the more chances for winning the game. The entire premise for IPL is folks contributing hefty sums of money to increase the chances of winning the series and get more returns.

FACT2:Now not everybody is rich enough to own a team, but would be willing to contribute meagre sums of money in this event  with the expectations of winning the series and getting more returns, A.K.A Betting. However, unlike the owners they don't get to buy capable players. So they do the next best thing, buy the capabilities of one or more players which increases their chance of winning.

I don't see a difference between these two facts. So I say, go ahead and make it official to bid on the capabilities of  some players,  so that everybody (Not just some obscenely rich Industrialists/Actors/Corporates) has a fair chance at winning and getting more returns out of the game. You call it whatever you want, for me, it's just good business.While we are at it let's make some rules too.

1. Make Match Fixing counters available at stadiums similar to race courses.

2. To avoid the rush it should also be available online

3. Anyone can bid on the capabilities of a maximum of four players

4. All the bookings have to be closed four hours before the match like in Railway Reservation System.

5. Charts containing the information on which players have been booked and for how much amount should be displayed and should also be circulated among the players.

6. The performance of the respective players has to degrade depending on the bidding amount. The higher the biding amount, the worst the performance.

7. To make it more interesting 50% of the players whose capabilities are auctioned can choose to either decrease their performance or play their original game. Why 50%? Why not 30% or 60% or something else??? You might ask, Shame on you we are talking about fair chance for all and thus 50%.

8. To add a twist to that, a player should be awarded for playing up to the expectations of the bidders and it should not be high enough that all the players would be competing for the award.

I can go on, but I chose not to!!!

 

The Story

I watched this movie "Kahaani" by Sujoy Ghosh after reading a review of the movie. I am assuming that anyone who is reading this would have already watched the movie and if you have not then there will be no fun in watching the movie after reading this post. I for one, was always a big fan of Bengalis for their intellect, I guess it has got to do with all the fish they eat. This movie was wonderfully written, directed, acted and never gives away the plot even for the intelligent viewer, and thankfully no song and dance sequences. Moreover it has one movie cliche that I love and use in my posts, repeating the title in the end and it has been used so subtly that you don't even realize it at that moment. Then there is Vidya Balan, my personal favourite. The plot of the movie is, a pregnant lady comes from London to find her missing husband who has been to Calcutta on an assignment.

Even though the movie keeps the suspense intact till the very end, there are intelligent hints left all over for viewers to think there might be more to the story than what is being told and the interesting part is that even after that most viewers fail to recognize them. Some of them are...

The guy in the metro train trying to find the bottle containing poisonous liquid that kills everybody including him.

The fact that  Asst. Sub Inspector Rana, willingly helps Vidya with everything, including picking locks and hacking into systems  and takes her around all the time as if it is his official assignment.

The scene where Vidya asks for the actual name of Rana and when he replies "Satyaki", she thoughtfully smiles to herself and says "Arjuna's Charioteer".

The scene where Rana tells Vidya that she will be a great mother the way she treats kids and she turns around to hide her tears.

The scene where the retired IB officer tells the IB chief that he had trained three people and one has gone bad.

The fact that Vidya copies all the information from Sridhar's computer into a flash drive but does not use it to recover data when IB officer Khan asks her to look for proofs in the computer. 

Then we again come to the point where we try to critique the movie from my point of view.

The movie follows a typical flow and approach that makes it  very unique and different from the regular run of the mill movies with  exaggerated emotions and Hindi movie cliches but by the end it turns into one. 

The perfect ending for me that would sync with the rest of the movie would be the scene where Vidya confronts Milan, the guy responsible for the poisonous gas attack on the metro train.

After Vidya fatally injures Milan and takes his revolver, the guy asks "Who are you?" and she replies "What difference does it make?", shoots him and walks away leaving the envelope containing the flash drive. The movie should have ended there with Rana realizing how she has been spinning a story to use the police and IB  to get to her target.

The scenes where they show the relationship between Vidya and the guy in the metro train and the retired IB officer, and she losing her pregnancy after hearing the news of his death and the final scene between the retired IB officer and Vidya don't sync with the mood set by the rest of the movie. Theses scenes appear as if they have been made to explain mundane details to the average viewer. Instead it could have been just another hint for the viewer to deduce the untold story.

Overall its a great watch and is thoroughly enjoyable.

MaTOR-II

On the lines of MaTOR, here is another theory of relativity that is more relative to Einstein's  Theory of Relativity in that it defines and discusses the Relativity of Time, again in a generic and nothing to do with science, way. Let us get to the definition without further ado.

MaTOR - II states that the perceived outcome of any incident is not absolute and is relative to Time. No there isn't going to be any formula this time.

Let us prove the theory with an example

Time : Circa 1740 A.D.

White Dude A: Dude!! I am thinking of getting myself negro slaves this weekend.

White Dude B: Cool!!! But the prices have gone high these days, its better to go to Africa and capture our own slaves.

White Dude A: No, there is a killer bargain, pay the price for two slaves and get the third one absolutely free!!!

Perceived Outcome:

White Dude B: Sweet!!! I will get myself some too!!!

Time : Circa 2000 A.D.

White Dude A: Dude!! I am thinking of getting  myself negro slaves this weekend.

White Dude B: Shut up!!! What the hell is wrong with you, trying to get us killed!!!

White Dude A: No there is a killer bargain, pay the price for two nigge....

Perceived Outcome:

White Dude B: Bang!! Bang!! Die you Racist Bastard Die!! Die!! Die!! Bang!!Bang!!Bang!! I have nothing to do with this dude.

Another Example

Time : Circa 1780 A.D.

Dude A: Dudes!!! people some day will be able to fly in the air at great speeds and across continents in less than a day!!!

Perceived Outcome:

Dude B,C,D,E,F: What you smokin Bro!!! people can't fly, only birds can fly!!!

Time : Circa 2012 A.D.

Dude A: Dudes!!!people some day will be able to fly in the air at great speeds and across continents in less than a day!!!

Perceived Outcome:

Dude B,C,D,E,F: What you smokin Bro!!! people have been doing  that for over hundred years now!!!

The Perceived Outcome of the same incident varied with Time in both examples. Hence Proved!!!

Theory of Relativity

I have to warn that this has got nothing to do with Einstein's theory of  relativity or does it!!! This is a more generic and nothing to do with physics kind of theory. The most difficult part of any theory is the definition, once the definition is ready everything else is relatively simple. so let us make an attempt towards defining MaTOR (Mkan's Theory Of Relativity).

MaTOR states that the perceived outcome of any incident is inversely proportional to the relativity with the subject. There you are, albeit a bit crude and rough on the edges that is the definition.

PO Inversely Proportional to R(S)  [I tried to get inversely proportional symbol in there, but couldn't ]

Where PO = Perceived Outcome
              R = Relativity
              S = Subject

Now, allow me to demonstrate the theory with an example.

Subject : Car

Dude A to Dude B: Dude guess what I was ripping the roads at an awesome speed of 180 Kmph.

PO1(No Relativity to Subject)

Dude B: Cool Dude!! That's just wickedly awesome.

Now let us add relativity factor and observe how  Perceived Outcome PO is inverted.

Dude A: Oh btw, that was your car!!

PO2  (Relativity to Subject)

Dude B: WTF!!! you touch my car again, I will break your hands and legs.

Hence Proved.

There you go, the examples can go on, but I guess I made my point.

You Will Survive!!!

I was going through some very interesting blogs and was wondering how these authors had a lot to write initially and slowly the number of posts deteriorated then some have stopped writing altogether due to various reasons.  Some lost interest, some got busy with reality, some had other priorities and some moved on to other things in life. Is that what you are going to do too, asked my blog, neglect me and leave me to slowly wither and die. I was quiet for some time trying to find an excuse, but then I realized, instead of an excuse I should be giving an answer. So here is my answer, No!! you will not be neglected and forgotten like other blogs, for you are my identity, my voice, my freedom to express without which there is not much left in me. So my dear, even if i don't have anything to write  for a while, I will always be back  and You Will Survive!!!!

Adventure!!! Thy Name is MKan 2- The American Adventure

So we venture out again all alone into unknown realms to find new adventures but this time, in the land of USA. I had a 3 day break for Christmas and I decided to do one of those long drives. This time I decided to visit Dallas which is about 820 miles and around 13 hours of journey one way. I took off two more days and reserved a full size rental car with cruise control for the travel. usually this wouldn't have been an adventure but the way it started, I was sure it was going to turn into one.

The Route
Being the crazy guy that I am, I decided to avoid the interstate which normal people would prefer. I did some consulting, research and found a route that reduces the distance by 100 miles. I have to drive through Limon, Kit Carson, Eads, Lamar, Springfield and Campo in Colorado, Boise city in Oklahoma, Dumas, Amarillo, Wichita Falls in Texas. It goes through small towns and crosses the great plains and mostly a two lane road. Also it is prone to high winds, blowing snow and ice rains. So i decided not to do the journey in one stretch and booked a hotel room half way through.

The Weather
I was supposed to start on Thursday afternoon and it snowed that Monday. I kept on checking the weather and it was supposed to be more or less clear after that day all along the route. I know I have said this before and I will say it again, if everything goes well then its definitely not my life. Wednesday night a snow storm sets and it continues to snow till the Thursday morning and almost a foot of snow has accumulated. Now any sane person would have second thoughts of starting on a journey in that kind of weather.

The Car
I reserved a full size car with cruise control and stuff so that the journey would be comfortable even if the conditions outside get worse. I got permission to leave early and went to the car rentals to collect my car. They didn't have any full size cars at that time, so they gave me a Ford Focus, and the guy said that it has cruise control and has no problems maneuvering in the snow.

The Journey
I got my first hint that this is going to turn into an adventure when I reversed the car  out of the drive way after loading my stuff into the car and it got stuck in snow. I had no shovels, so I requested the neighbour and he came tot he rescue. We struggled a bit and got the car out of the snow, I thanked the guy and started on my journey. I was about one hour late. The drive was good although it was a bit slow with all the roads covered in snow and ice. Fifteen minutes into the journey I realized I forgot my music cds I have burnt for the trip. After driving a couple of hours the roads started clearing up and I started driving at the designated speed. The first thing I observed in the car, there is no cruise control, the second the the top speed is restricted to 80mph. This was my second hint. I stopped briefly to fill petrol (not gas) and buy some snacks.

After that there was very less or no snow on the roads and the sky was clear which was relief. I even caught up with some sunshine just before the sunset at 4:30PM. Yes the sun sets at that time and it gets dark by 5PM. After driving a while I realized that I am driving through the parts that was hit worst by the snow and the temperature kept on dropping as I went further. Most of the road was frozen, but the good thing was it was snow rather than ice. Again any sane person would decide to stop in the next town and spend the night there.
I have driven in those conditions twice earlier and was an experienced driver. So I gradually started increasing the speed to see how much the car can handle and I was surprised that the car maintained its grip on the road at even a decent 50mph.Now I have been told that there will be drivers with no experience in driving the snow and I wished there wasn't any ahead of me and within the next 5 minutes there was this guy driving at 20mph and a train of cars and trucks following that guy. I obliged for some time and decided to pass those vehicles and ultimately the driver who didn't have the guts to drive on an icy road and wouldn't pull over and give a chance to others.
At around 6:50 PM I thought I crossed the worst part of it and was about 29 miles from Boise City, Oklahoma. That is when I saw a long train of vehicles coming to a halt. The guy ahead of me informed that a big rig slid on ice and blocked all traffic for the next 3 miles. I sat there in the car for one and half hour observed the temperature dropping to 9 degrees Fahrenheit and the road freezing up. The block was cleared and everybody was driving really slow and initially I understood their predicament and i drove slowly along with them. After crossing into Oklahoma the roads were clear but the drivers were still going slow. I was running out of patience as I had to drive another hour and half to reach my hotel and it was already 10.
So I gave other drivers a taste of my Indian driving and started passing vehicles whenever I got a chance at times passing two to three trucks at a stretch. Most of the car drivers took my cue and started passing the slow drivers. After driving like that for a while I was the ahead of all the vehicles by the time I reached Boise City and even the roads have cleared up. I was about 50 miles from my hotel  in Amarillo and the car started showing low Tyre pressure warning. I took my chances and drove on and reached the hotel at around 12:30

I woke up at 6AM, showered, had a hot breakfast and planned to start by 7 AM. When I reached the car, one of the tyres had very low pressure. So I drove to the nearest petrol bunk. I knew how to fill air in the tyres but I kind of forgot I have to put quarters in to get the air flowing. So I tried and tried but the pressure was not building up and then decided to change the tyre. Now there was a groove on the jack and I didn't know where to place it, so took help of some guys over there who  chipped the ice off the bottom of the car, placed the jack and even lifted it for me.I thanked them and started removing the tyre. The car moved a bit which should have been my hint that I did not put the handbrake on but I was in no mood for hints with the freezing temperature around. When I pulled the tyre out, the car rolled forward, the jack got stuck under the car along with the tyre. I was like, Great!!! Now we are having fun!!!

Some guys came to help and remove the jack from under the car but it was impossible. So I borrowed another jack , placed it nearer to the rear tyre and lifted the car a bit and got the first jack out. Now i placed the jack back in its position but the rod that is used to lift the jack was bent making it almost impossible to rotate. I struggled with it for a bit and every time i turned it my hand scraped on the freezing ground. Another guy took pity on me and helped me with lifting the jack. Then he saw that there was nothing wrong with the original tyre and asked me to put in quarters to fill air. That is when I let out some silent obscenities. we filled the air and the guy asked me to get it checked in a tyre shop. I thanked the guy profoundly and  continued on my journey at about 8:40 AM again taking my chances with the tyre. I covered good distance in time and  thought I would fill petrol again an hour and half before I reached my destination and pulled into a service station. That is when I realized that the low tyre pressure warning came up again. Fortunately that service station had a tyre shop, the guy found a small puncture in the tyre, patched it up and sent me on my way. The rest of the journey was uneventful and I reached at around 3:20 PM, 26 hours after I started on my journey.

The Return Journey

The return journey started at 6 AM and I decided to do it in a single stretch. I thought the petrol would be sufficient to reach Amarillo but the needle started dipping down faster than expected and the petrol low warning sigh lit up about 50 miles from Amarillo. I was  watching out for petrol stations in smaller towns, found a couple but they were out of service as expected. Thankfully I reached a petrol station just outside of Amarillo before I ran out of petro, filled  the tank grabbed a slice of pizza and continued my journey.

At one stretch there were three trucks back to back and whenever I tried to cross the third truck that guy closed the gap between his truck and second truck  and I had to back off. Then I looked for a long stretch of road and crossed all the three trucks in a single stretch. This might have pissed off the driver of the third truck, he passed the other two trucks and started chasing me. I approached a town and slowed down to 30 mph and the truck was right behind me and was trying to make me pull aside by getting nearer and nearer. Thankfully there was another guy who was watching this and he happened to be the town sheriff and he flashed his lights and sounded his siren as a warning sign and the truck backed off.

I was about 14 miles from the exit I was supposed to take to get to our local road and as expected the traffic slowed down due to an accident ahead. Thankfully I crossed the accident area soon and was on my way home. It took me about 13 hours from the start of the journey to the end  and I reached home at about 6 PM.

Returning the car

The next day I went to the rental to return the car and told the guy that it did not have  cruise control and  there was a 80mph limit, this being America and not India that guy reduced the rental by 50% and gave me a free upgrade to full size car on my next rental.

21

21!!! Yes that is the number and it boggles me. I have asked myself the same question again and again and the answer still evades me like a  Homo Erectus evading a Dinosaur. (Write that in a comment if you get it) This stupid spell checker marks the word "Erectus" in red. Oh I came up with another analogy, the answer evaded me like the spelling of the word "Erectus" evaded the spell checker. Not a great one but, you get what you get!!!
I tried to reason with it, i tried thinking  rationally and then irrationally but nothing came to my mind. The question still remains, why? What have I done to have 21 members following my blog and I don't even know any one of them personally. I know a couple of people who follow my blog but are not members. There is one friend who follows it religiously.
Anyway all I wanted to say to those of you, who are members and those who are not but still take out time to read my blog and leave comments, a very big, heart felt, THANK YOU. I feel privileged and I will keep adding posts going further.

So Far...

Here I am, back again in USA. This was an unexpected trip, and I was not in the right mindset for travel. To add to that, I had to work the two weekends prior to my travel and as if that was not enough I acquired cold and throat infection a week before my travel. Fortunately the cold subsided by the time that I had to travel but the throat infection was lingering around. I was traveling by Qatar Airlines, again, the airlines chosen by God out of the love he has for me and the things I say.
It all started with the security at the airport in Hyderabad. Out of the blue they decided to follow the security protocols followed by the airports in USA. So the lady officer asked me in a threatening tone to remove the laptop from the bag, if there is one and then my jacket and then my shoes. I saw where this was going and emptied my pockets and put everything into the tray including my passport and boarding pass. She was offended and called me back, and said take your passport and boarding pass with you and added "Do I have to tell everything???" to which I really wanted to say " No, I will just read your mind". I gathered enough courage to tell her that this was not how it was done earlier. In all that hurry, while collecting my things from the tray, I left my pen in the tray and the tray went back to that security officer by the time I realized. I didn't have the guts to go back and ask her to return my pen.
Now there is something everybody should know, I have to have a pen when I travel, I don't know why but I get paranoid if I don't carry a pen during travel. It really doesn't serve any purpose other than filling landing and customs cards. One could say I can borrow a pen from somebody beside me or from the air hostess, are you crazy!!! weren't you reading what I wrote above, I have to have a pen, I don't borrow pens. There are times when I entered a bank found that I didn't carry a pen, went out to a shop, bought a pen and went back to the bank. I remembered that there was an Odyssey store (store that sold books and stationery) inside the airport so I went inside confidently only to find out that they have closed the store to open a liquor store in that place. I couldn't see, but I was sure the big guy upstairs was smiling at my predicament.
I tried to divert my mind by calling and talking to people in USA starting with East Coast and ending with West Coast and devised a secret plan in the back of my mind. So I got into the plane slept through the flight and landed at Doha. I had two hours and I knew I had to pass through a special security check for USA bound flights and for that I have to be in the line for security at least one and half hour before the boarding started for that flight. So I raced through the shopping area, found a "I love Doha" pen and when I checked the price at the counter, the sales guy said 5 Dollars with a smug smile. I could hear God ROFL... but I went ahead and bought the pen anyway. At least I have peace of mind. The next stop was Restrooms and there was a queue, that is one place where I hate to wait in a queue.
I stood in the line for security clearance still wondering why do we have to do it, even after clearing security, traveling International and going through security clearance to get into Doha airport. I heard the guy at the security shouting , no liquids, no sprays, remove laptop from the bag, empty your pockets, remove your belt, remove your shoes, pass through the metal detector and stand still while we grope your body parts. Suddenly our eyes met and we had this telepathic conversation.
Me: Yeah we will remove everything including our dignity and self respect along with other items!!
Security Guy: Would you rather have yourself blown to pieces in mid air by some lunatic psychopath??
Me: Ummm, Do you want me to go for the Full Monty!!!
After clearing the security, I joined the queue for boarding with only 10 minutes left, where they herded all the passengers to ground floor where there was no air conditioning and no provision to sit. Another long wait there and then the bus arrives  and takes us to the plane, the plane is not ready and they make us wait in the bus which reminded me of a freezer. The cold and throat infection germs which were slowly withering and dying got their energy booster from that air conditioning and I started to sneeze and cough in the flight. Fortunately I was carrying all the medication with me in my pocket, so I took out a pill each for cold and throat infection and sent them down my throat for the battle.  A girl , was sitting beside me with the same problem, so I gave her the medicine so she could stop coughing and I could go back to my sleep. The rest of the flight was uneventful, and I landed in Washington D.C where I had to recheck-in my luggage for the local flight to Denver. When I got to Denver, out of the three bags that I checked in, one did not arrive, and that was the bag with all my clothes and essentials.Needless to say I could hear more ROFL in the background. I got my bag delivered the next day to the office. This is what happened so far... Will be back with more

Being Bad!!!

You know what they say about being good, they say it's not easy to be a good, well let me tell you something, being bad is no walk in the park!!! If you think being good is bad, then let me tell you how bad it is to be bad.

1. Nobody likes a bad guy, it is a very lonely life in Badville.
2. A bad guy can't trust anyone. Do you know how difficult is it to not able trust people around you.
3. A bad guy is never appreciated nor encouraged to do bad things. Do you know how hard it is go through life without feeling appreciated?
4.A good guy, when he does something bad, people try to reason and forgive him. If a bad guy does something good, people would think there is a selfish motive.
5. A bad ultimately gets beaten up by the good guys no matter how strong he is or how advanced his gadgets are.
6. A bad guy never gets the girl.
7. A bad guy has to do drugs, alcohol knowing the ill effects, there is no choice, it is like drinking poison knowing that it is poison.

I could go on but I guess I made my point!!!

Men are like dogs...

But in a good way....

Visitors of this blog know that I keep pondering every now and then and this thought has crossed my mind several times. So I kept pondering  and started making comparisons. Here is the list of things about dogs and if you replace the term "dog" with "man" it will still hold good.

1. Dogs need a lot of petting and  the petting differs from dog to dog.  A dog that is not well petted is not happy dog
2. Dogs need attention, you can't take their existence for granted and ignore them. You have to acknowledge their presence and encourage their activities.
3. Dogs know when they have done a mistake and will start acting all cute and innocent to minimize the after effects.
4. Feed a dog and show him enough love and affection, he will treat you like a God.
5. When a dog is happy, excited, angry or sad it shows in their face.
6. Dogs need proper training right from the beginning and it never ends. 
7. You can't teach an old dog, new tricks.
8. Dogs have to be groomed constantly, you can try your best but you can never keep a dog from getting dirty for a long time.
9. Dogs are lazy by nature and will lie in the same place all day if not bothered and their basic necessities are met.
10. Dogs will listen to you attentively, but would have understood only a word or two out of an entire conversation

Lost...

And I appear again like the never ending seasons of "Lost". I don't want to give excuses this time, let's just get on with the fact that even though I was away from blogging for some time, I am back.Life has been good, it always is, its just for us to look at the good side of the things happening and I have been looking at the other side. My dad and I never spent much of a quality time but whatever time we spent together, he taught me some valuable lessons. I remember him telling about how Self pity is a greater and dangerous addiction than smoking, drinking or even drugs. He gave himself as an example and asked me not to succumb to it. He also said, not his own words though, "When it comes to worrying know when to stop". So my car Rocky met with an accident, again and this time I didn't have the heart to even go look at it. I have been living a life without a car and a bike for the past two months and I have to accept its great!!! Everybody should try it for some time. It feels good to be back and will keep posting again. For anyone who is still checking this site, Thank You, you are the reason I keep coming back to write more!!!! Didn't I sound like a movie star back there!!!!

It's "Not" My Life

Prologue

So it happened like this that I was living my life and minding my business as usual and out of the blue my manager sends me a mail saying that he has sent my on-site visit for approval and while i was reading that mail and trying to get to terms with what I was reading because I was totally unaware of this situation and I was planning to send somebody from my team if any such thing happens and there comes another mail saying that my trip was approved and asking me how fast I could get on a plane. Wow, did you see that, one single sentence, all that in once single sentence. Anyway I was always willing to travel on-site so I told my manager that I would start after my son's birthday and this gave me a week's window.

If you knew the relationship I share with God you would have already guessed the airlines I was going to travel, yes it is the same airlines i was sarcastic about and had to travel in, last year. Qatar, Thank You God, you remembered!!! I knew there was no point frowning over it and being a guy who would rather try and improve things than sit and worry about them started to think on how the situation can be improved. A little introduction of my wife and her career. She has been handling corporate travels for an MNC for more than 4 years now and is in good terms with most of the airlines. Suddenly I was full of Ideas, well just one Idea. I challenged my wife, I knew requesting would not work, to upgrade me to business class and that I would gift her something that she would never imagine. She actually took the bait and started working on it. 

The day before my flight she tells me that she could upgrade my seat to business class from Hyderabad to Doha and I was like that's just 4 hours, couldn't you get the upgrade for second leg of the journey, Doha to Washington D.C.!! She was like be happy with what you got!! Then she explains to tell how she got me a VIP check-in because I was "supposedly" a Big Shot "Program Director" who frequently travels Lufthansa but decided to try Qatar for a change. I was like I can be a Program Director.  I check my status online and it still showed me in Economy class and inquired my wife concernedly to which she annoyingly explains how the process goes  and how the counters are updated with my "New " information and the online info doesn't matter anymore.I have to tell you that I have been traveling for the past 7 years and have been married for 6 years but not once did my wife come to the airport to see me off or pick me up and this time she decides to come, that is when I thought something in my life is going to change drastically.

It's Not My Life Part -1

Once in the Airport I got to skip all the lengthy queues of economy class and walk the red Carpet of Business Class. From the minute I handed over my itinerary everything changed, the desk clerk was very courteous and an attendant is sent to handle my luggage and another guy to fill up my information. Then the supervisor comes and wishes me shares his knowledge of my traveling Lufthansa frequently and expresses his gratitude that I have chosen their Airlines. The the guy who filled my forms escorts me to the immigration and then to the VIP lounge, wishes me Bon Voyage and leaves me. So I sit there and reflect on the things that have happened in the last 15 minutes wondering, well just wondering. Then I get into the flight where I was escorted to my extra large recliner seat and was offered a welcome drink. I have started to realize why business class passengers are boarded separately and the use of curtains that separate business and economy class. After the airplane took off, I was offered a choice of breakfast and it was not dumped on your tray like it is done in economy class. First they bring you the drink then the main course and then a dessert. Not to mention the seats were much wider and reclined completely and it was amazingly comfortable. I was enjoying it to the core when it struck me that I have to get back to the economy seats for the second leg of journey which was 14 hours long and that got me into thinking. With these thoughts I landed in Doha airport and the business class passengers were taken in a separate bus to the terminal. I cleared my security clearance twice and arrived at the gate.

It's Not My Life Part - 2

Other than blogging I read blogs that are entertaining, “Doing Jalsa and Showing Jilpa” happens to be one of those and KrishAshok happens to be a frequent flyer and keeps posting about his travelling experiences and microwaved airline food.  In of those he mentions about how he is a frequent flyer and how he approached the ticket counter and asked for an upgrade and got it. That struck me and struck me at the right moment, which was very important. Also the words of my wife on how my information is updated in their database struck me at the same time. So with all the confidence when I approached the   counter I told them that I requested for an upgrade and it was confirmed up to Doha but not up to Washington D.C. They quickly enter my record locator in their systems and they get something saying I have been authorized for upgrade but upgrade was only done till Doha. So they talk between themselves, pull me out of the line and ask me to wait. The guy informs me courteously that there are two business class seats and if they don’t turn up within 15 minutes they are going to upgrade me.  With the kind of luck I have I did not set any hopes on it but decided to wait. I waited for 20 minutes and one guy turns up and I get the upgrade. I was pretty amused, overjoyed, pleased with myself and went to the pickup area for the flight.  There is a bus waiting and asking if there are any business class passengers left out and when I go forward, he takes me, an me alone in the bus to the airplane and I take the stairs to the business class which is in the front of the plane watching economy passengers cramming on to the stairs at the end of the flight. Now this flight was bigger and better than the earlier one and so was the service. The seats even had massagers in them with multiple functions. i had a choice of selecting some premium dishes for lunch. They gave me a track suit and when I changed into it, the flight attendant took my clothes, folded then and put them in a closet. I was like if I was travelling first class maybe they would even wash and iron my clothes. More than anything the toilets were wider and empty most of the time unlike the toilets in economy. I wanted to just sit in there for the sake of enjoying the luxury of a spacious toilet.  The fourteen hours passed before I even noticed and I landed in Washington D.C.  At immigration the officer talked to me in a language that my brain was not even tuned to listen and I had to ask him to which he asks me again in Telugu on how many days am I going to stay and the reason for visiting U.S. I was looking at him with utter disbelief and he was like oh well go ahead enjoy your stay. That was the silver lining to everything that happened until then. I was standing at the baggage carousel recollecting wondering whatever happened in the last twenty four hours and was telling myself, this is not my life, this is definitely not my life. I spent two days with family there and headed for Denver, my final destination.

Epilogue A.K.A Welcome to My life

Not to mention I had to take the economy class and I got the middle seat and I started thinking now this the life I am familiar with.  Then the pilot announces that the plane will be descending to land in Denver airport and during the descent turbulence and cross winds hit the plane and the plane plummets and shakes violently making me feel sick. I started to breathe heavily and people around me got concerned and it looked like the longest time taken for a flight to land. As soon as it landed, I got up and was feeling very weak, I gathered enough strength to take the cabin baggage and walk out of gate in a rush to get to the cab service. I heard my name being announced at the gate and realized that I picked up somebody else’s cabin baggage, so I had to drag myself back to the gate and apologized to the guy but he didn’t look like he cared. Then I observed that he broke the handle of my cabin luggage but was too weak to say anything. So I dragged myself to the terminal to the cab service desk and I had 25 minutes before the cab picked me up. So I went to the baggage carousel to pick my luggage, my baggage arrived soon enough and I had 15 minutes to the aisle where the cab picks up people. There were two problems. I was so weak that I crashed into the chair nearby, I needed a 5 dollar note for the trolley but all I had were 100$ notes.  I told myself that I needed 10 minutes to be OK and then I threw up. One of the janitors there called a paramedic but I did not need any medication. Needless to say I missed the cab so I go to the cab service desk again and they tell me that I have one hour before the next cab arrives. I ask them for change, take a trolley load my luggage, go to the restroom, get some water, rest for some time and went to the aisle 15 minutes before time. Then I had to wait for the cab for 30 minutes in -6 Degrees and finally get into the cab.  Just before dozing off in the cab I told myself, yes this sounds more like my life, Hi there, how are you?? I missed you, and we were back together again.