It all started about 12 years back.
Those were the times i never had to bother about eating stuff and putting on weight.
Those were the times, when the instructor in the gym used to set me as an example on how to maintain fitness.
Those were the times, when i could fit perfectly into any kind of dress.
Those were the times, when i could skip for 20 minutes and do 120 push ups.
Times have changed now.
Apart from getting old i have also added lots of mass over the past 12 years.
One of the reasons being not keeping up my strict exercise routine.
I watched myself as the waist size of my trousers kept on increasing but didn't do much to keep it under control.
The past two years were the worst as i grew out of all the available sizes in all the brands. The only brand that i can get myself into is "ALL" (A Little Larger).
It has come to the point where i started avoiding shopping malls because the whole experience of looking at all the stuff there and realizing that i can't fit into them depressed me to the core. It's like all your favourite food is available but you can't eat them, you just have to watch and go on.
It is not just with clothes, there were lots of other things that i would like to do but cannot do. These lead to more depression. I have tried to get back into my exercise routine but never could continue it for long thanks to my lifestyle and laziness.
All these depressing events called for desperate measures and i had to go consult a doctor. Now the doctor put me on a strict diet and exercise routine which i have to follow if i really want to get back into shape and he will be monitoring my progress every week. Since all my other attempts failed and burdened by my weight and the resultant depression i agreed to it.
Third week into the routine......
I still don't fit into the clothes at the shopping malls which is depressing (of course i can't expect to), now i can't even eat my favourite food.
So now its not just the shopping malls that depress me, going to a super market, the sight of my favourite restaurants or even the ads that advertise food depress me. All these depressions are frustrating.
All that i am allowed to eat leaves my mouth tasteless and the quantities i eat leave me hungry. I did not give in to temptation yet. The other day i was offered a samosa and a sweet and my brain waged a war with my conscience, finally my conscience won, it was the most difficult thing.
Did you ever experience words biting you back? Well that always happens to me.
When i was asked to diet earlier, my reply used to be "If one cannot even eat what one wants to eat, there is no point in living ".
When i was asked why i never touch green salad or even vegetables, my reply used to be "just because a lion is hungry, it does not mean that it will eat grass ".
Now all i am allowed to eat is green salad and vegetables.
OK, come bite me and bite me hard.
Amongst all these the only comfort i have is the subway food that i am allowed to eat, that too without the mayo.
Slowly i hope to get out of each depression and be myself again.
Those were the times i never had to bother about eating stuff and putting on weight.
Those were the times, when the instructor in the gym used to set me as an example on how to maintain fitness.
Those were the times, when i could fit perfectly into any kind of dress.
Those were the times, when i could skip for 20 minutes and do 120 push ups.
Times have changed now.
Apart from getting old i have also added lots of mass over the past 12 years.
One of the reasons being not keeping up my strict exercise routine.
I watched myself as the waist size of my trousers kept on increasing but didn't do much to keep it under control.
The past two years were the worst as i grew out of all the available sizes in all the brands. The only brand that i can get myself into is "ALL" (A Little Larger).
It has come to the point where i started avoiding shopping malls because the whole experience of looking at all the stuff there and realizing that i can't fit into them depressed me to the core. It's like all your favourite food is available but you can't eat them, you just have to watch and go on.
It is not just with clothes, there were lots of other things that i would like to do but cannot do. These lead to more depression. I have tried to get back into my exercise routine but never could continue it for long thanks to my lifestyle and laziness.
All these depressing events called for desperate measures and i had to go consult a doctor. Now the doctor put me on a strict diet and exercise routine which i have to follow if i really want to get back into shape and he will be monitoring my progress every week. Since all my other attempts failed and burdened by my weight and the resultant depression i agreed to it.
Third week into the routine......
I still don't fit into the clothes at the shopping malls which is depressing (of course i can't expect to), now i can't even eat my favourite food.
So now its not just the shopping malls that depress me, going to a super market, the sight of my favourite restaurants or even the ads that advertise food depress me. All these depressions are frustrating.
All that i am allowed to eat leaves my mouth tasteless and the quantities i eat leave me hungry. I did not give in to temptation yet. The other day i was offered a samosa and a sweet and my brain waged a war with my conscience, finally my conscience won, it was the most difficult thing.
Did you ever experience words biting you back? Well that always happens to me.
When i was asked to diet earlier, my reply used to be "If one cannot even eat what one wants to eat, there is no point in living ".
When i was asked why i never touch green salad or even vegetables, my reply used to be "just because a lion is hungry, it does not mean that it will eat grass ".
Now all i am allowed to eat is green salad and vegetables.
OK, come bite me and bite me hard.
Amongst all these the only comfort i have is the subway food that i am allowed to eat, that too without the mayo.
Slowly i hope to get out of each depression and be myself again.
i was just thinking abt your diet this am, and wondered how you are doing. when in you heart you are a smart trim guy why not let the world and mostly yourself see you just the way you see yourself in your heart. C'mon you can do it.... i've always gone up and down in my weight all thru my life, but i try to work hard for the image in my heart and try in small bits to get there, it wont happen overnight and trust me exercise works, so do your bit. Good luck now.
ReplyDeleteOh, in my heart i am perfect and you know one can't improve perfection. So now i am concentrating on how i look on the outside ;).
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support , i need that a lot